Am i going through a life & death situation?
I dunno...
Somewhat...it just doesn't feel right...
What should i do?
Should i wait?
Wait for 2moro & hope that everything will turn out alright...
Or should i take any action?
Or am i too scared of knowing the truth?
What should i do?
This feeling is killing me...
literally...
Really hope that someone will pull myself out of this...
Friday, September 27, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Today
Today...i heard the same song twice that reminds me of her...
Reminds me of the day she left...
I thought i was so over her...but...i was wrong...
Also,i found out that my favourite badminton session might end as well...==
Which kindda reminds me of her as i started to play frequently on "THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF HER LIFE"...
Is that an indication?
But i thought it was over a long time ago...
==
Reminds me of the day she left...
I thought i was so over her...but...i was wrong...
Also,i found out that my favourite badminton session might end as well...==
Which kindda reminds me of her as i started to play frequently on "THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF HER LIFE"...
Is that an indication?
But i thought it was over a long time ago...
==
Travelling alone
Just came back yesterday...was very tired as i practically did not sleep at all on the previous night...
Had a good sleep last night but still tired in the morning...even when i am driving on the highway...
There were couple of times where i was driving at nearly 100km/h and my eye lid was completely closed...
And only to be awaken by the sound of the engine picking up speed as i was also "accidentally" stepping on the pedal at the same time...==
Definitely a miracle as my car and i went home in one piece...
For the last few days, i been to a place that i never went before and not familiar with
I don't speak the language, do not know much about the customs there and i definitely don't know anyone there...which also means that i'm completely alone...especially when i'm having trouble and needs help...
And it didn't have a good start...1st i was almost conned by some guy who wanted to take me on the taxi for a staggeringly high price...good thing that i read some articles on the place before going there and i expected that to happen...
But still the inevitable happened...i was conned by the taxi driver who didn't charge me according to meter like he was supposed to...but luckily i found out later that he only charged me at a price slightly higher than the normal price...
Next,i wasn't quite sure if i was conned though...i bought a SIM card at a price much higher than the price i saw on some forums...not quite sure about that though...==
Then,i planned to visit a place on the 1st day but it was closed as it was very late already...==
What a rought 1st day i had...
but luckily everything turned out quite well on the next few days and everything was quite good overall...
I also met a guy from China who was my dorm mate...we had a pretty good conversation as we speak the same language and he was travelling around Malaysia before that...also mainly because he was quite curious why i could speak Mandarin so well that he thought i was from China as well...==
We share a lot of things on our respective countries and our passion for travelling as well...
I didn't expect to make new friends there but eventually i got one...lol...
Maybe sometimes we just have to let things flow naturally and let it be...
Just like all the researches that i did on food...i didn't use that in the end as i was too lazy to refer to it and i decided to play it by my heart...just try anything that looks good without referring to my "notes"...and i did have some pretty delicious food as well...
Maybe that's the beauty of travelling...expect the unexpected?
Had a good sleep last night but still tired in the morning...even when i am driving on the highway...
There were couple of times where i was driving at nearly 100km/h and my eye lid was completely closed...
And only to be awaken by the sound of the engine picking up speed as i was also "accidentally" stepping on the pedal at the same time...==
Definitely a miracle as my car and i went home in one piece...
For the last few days, i been to a place that i never went before and not familiar with
I don't speak the language, do not know much about the customs there and i definitely don't know anyone there...which also means that i'm completely alone...especially when i'm having trouble and needs help...
And it didn't have a good start...1st i was almost conned by some guy who wanted to take me on the taxi for a staggeringly high price...good thing that i read some articles on the place before going there and i expected that to happen...
But still the inevitable happened...i was conned by the taxi driver who didn't charge me according to meter like he was supposed to...but luckily i found out later that he only charged me at a price slightly higher than the normal price...
Next,i wasn't quite sure if i was conned though...i bought a SIM card at a price much higher than the price i saw on some forums...not quite sure about that though...==
Then,i planned to visit a place on the 1st day but it was closed as it was very late already...==
What a rought 1st day i had...
but luckily everything turned out quite well on the next few days and everything was quite good overall...
I also met a guy from China who was my dorm mate...we had a pretty good conversation as we speak the same language and he was travelling around Malaysia before that...also mainly because he was quite curious why i could speak Mandarin so well that he thought i was from China as well...==
We share a lot of things on our respective countries and our passion for travelling as well...
I didn't expect to make new friends there but eventually i got one...lol...
Maybe sometimes we just have to let things flow naturally and let it be...
Just like all the researches that i did on food...i didn't use that in the end as i was too lazy to refer to it and i decided to play it by my heart...just try anything that looks good without referring to my "notes"...and i did have some pretty delicious food as well...
Maybe that's the beauty of travelling...expect the unexpected?
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
斷了的弦
是的...那弦已斷了...永遠也接不回了...
既然妳選擇把它切斷,我也不必再把它接回...
謝謝妳給我那麼多美好的回憶...也謝謝妳給我那些痛苦的回憶...
感謝主,讓我茫茫人海中遇見了妳...
曾經,每當提起妳時,我無法掩飾心中的雀躍...
我總留意妳的一舉一動...
妳傷心,煩惱,受傷時, 我總是牽腸掛肚...
現在這一刻起,以上的一切一切不會再發生在我身上...
對不起,是我自作多情...
對不起,是我想太多...
對不起,是我犯賤...
妳的暗號我已經收到...我知道該怎麼做...
雖然我可能會想妳,但我會好好過...
沒有妳在我的世界我可以過的更好...
但願我能找到比妳更好的...
妳要加油喔!
既然妳選擇把它切斷,我也不必再把它接回...
謝謝妳給我那麼多美好的回憶...也謝謝妳給我那些痛苦的回憶...
感謝主,讓我茫茫人海中遇見了妳...
曾經,每當提起妳時,我無法掩飾心中的雀躍...
我總留意妳的一舉一動...
妳傷心,煩惱,受傷時, 我總是牽腸掛肚...
現在這一刻起,以上的一切一切不會再發生在我身上...
對不起,是我自作多情...
對不起,是我想太多...
對不起,是我犯賤...
妳的暗號我已經收到...我知道該怎麼做...
雖然我可能會想妳,但我會好好過...
沒有妳在我的世界我可以過的更好...
但願我能找到比妳更好的...
妳要加油喔!
Grow up...
Planned to do my research for my upcoming trip now but something has bothered me & i don't feel like doing it at all...
Impulsive...yes i am...
Just like making the decision to go to travel to a place...
It was just a feeling that i should go there...regardless the price of flight tickets,hotels, weather and so on...
Even if i have to travel alone...for the 1st time...
Right now i'm not sure if i've made the right decision...
But there's 1st time for everything right?
Travelling alone to a place that i've never been before...
To a place where the people doesn't speak the same language as me...
To a place that i know very little about...
To a place full of signs that i do not understand...
To a notoriously knows for being a huslte & bustle place...
To a infamous tourist trap...
It is also the 1st time for me to do some in depth research about that place...
History...
How to go...
Where to go...
What to eat & buy...
Things might not go according to my plan but at least i feel secure by doing that...
I did not tell anyone about my trip...except for my parents...but they too didn't know that i will be travelling alone...
I do not know why i've chosen to do so but at least i have to try...
Try to experience new things...
Just like my Taiwan trip...many questioned the decision to go there during July...
It's going to be HOT!!!It's summer there...
U're not afraid of typhoon?
Blah blah blah...
Yes...
It was indeed hot...
Yes...
There was indeed typhoon...a very serious one...
So what?
I made it home in one piece...
The itinerary was not badly affected as my friends and i thought it would be initially...
As we were very worried that we couldn't go to the places that we planned to go...
But in the end everything turned out all right...
Only a small part is affected...which gives a good excuse to go there again in the future :P
Now i also know how typhoons feels like...since there's no typhoon in Malaysia...
Strong winds...heavy rains...
Trees falling...signboard being blown away...even the traffic lights & motorcycles had to make way for the strong winds...
It was somewhat a good experience i think...
It's time to step out from my comfort zone...
It's time to learn new things...
It's time to...
Grow up...
Impulsive...yes i am...
Just like making the decision to go to travel to a place...
It was just a feeling that i should go there...regardless the price of flight tickets,hotels, weather and so on...
Even if i have to travel alone...for the 1st time...
Right now i'm not sure if i've made the right decision...
But there's 1st time for everything right?
Travelling alone to a place that i've never been before...
To a place where the people doesn't speak the same language as me...
To a place that i know very little about...
To a place full of signs that i do not understand...
To a notoriously knows for being a huslte & bustle place...
To a infamous tourist trap...
It is also the 1st time for me to do some in depth research about that place...
History...
How to go...
Where to go...
What to eat & buy...
Things might not go according to my plan but at least i feel secure by doing that...
I did not tell anyone about my trip...except for my parents...but they too didn't know that i will be travelling alone...
I do not know why i've chosen to do so but at least i have to try...
Try to experience new things...
Just like my Taiwan trip...many questioned the decision to go there during July...
It's going to be HOT!!!It's summer there...
U're not afraid of typhoon?
Blah blah blah...
Yes...
It was indeed hot...
Yes...
There was indeed typhoon...a very serious one...
So what?
I made it home in one piece...
The itinerary was not badly affected as my friends and i thought it would be initially...
As we were very worried that we couldn't go to the places that we planned to go...
But in the end everything turned out all right...
Only a small part is affected...which gives a good excuse to go there again in the future :P
Now i also know how typhoons feels like...since there's no typhoon in Malaysia...
Strong winds...heavy rains...
Trees falling...signboard being blown away...even the traffic lights & motorcycles had to make way for the strong winds...
It was somewhat a good experience i think...
It's time to step out from my comfort zone...
It's time to learn new things...
It's time to...
Grow up...
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Go back to school...?
Been chatting with one of my frens recently and found out that she decided to study master after working for roughly a year...
I was really shocked with her decision...
I am aware that she was really stress in her previous job but i never expected her to go back to school again...
It's hard to imagine how happy she was when she started her previous job as she always told me how motivated she was in her previous company...
But something happned in between and she was really stressed out...
Anyway she's always been a straight A student and maybe it's a wise decision for her...
Will i ever go back to school to study master?
The answer is definitely...NO!!!
Never ever...
At least for now...
So sick of studying...
And i actually prefer my life right now...
At least i am still hanging on with my job right now...
At least the stress is still bearable...
At least i can earn my own money & have more say when it omes to money spending...
Maybe i feel insecure if i just keep spending money without "replenishing" by earning more...==
And i don't have to rely on my folks too much financially...
And i'm practically learning new things everyday...
Learning useful skills & knowledge...
Not just reading a bunch of useless notes & presentation slides...
Not just doing research on something i don't think it's necessary at all..
I still think that studying master is a waste of money & time
Even if i take part time master course, does it make that much difference?
I beg to differ..
Except if one day i suddenly decide to be a lecturer instead...==
I still think that experience is more important...especially in tourism...
Maybe i'm wrong...
Maybe i will regret this one day in the future...
But for now, i think that i have made the right call...
Did i?
I was really shocked with her decision...
I am aware that she was really stress in her previous job but i never expected her to go back to school again...
It's hard to imagine how happy she was when she started her previous job as she always told me how motivated she was in her previous company...
But something happned in between and she was really stressed out...
Anyway she's always been a straight A student and maybe it's a wise decision for her...
Will i ever go back to school to study master?
The answer is definitely...NO!!!
Never ever...
At least for now...
So sick of studying...
And i actually prefer my life right now...
At least i am still hanging on with my job right now...
At least the stress is still bearable...
At least i can earn my own money & have more say when it omes to money spending...
Maybe i feel insecure if i just keep spending money without "replenishing" by earning more...==
And i don't have to rely on my folks too much financially...
And i'm practically learning new things everyday...
Learning useful skills & knowledge...
Not just reading a bunch of useless notes & presentation slides...
Not just doing research on something i don't think it's necessary at all..
I still think that studying master is a waste of money & time
Even if i take part time master course, does it make that much difference?
I beg to differ..
Except if one day i suddenly decide to be a lecturer instead...==
I still think that experience is more important...especially in tourism...
Maybe i'm wrong...
Maybe i will regret this one day in the future...
But for now, i think that i have made the right call...
Did i?
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Is it over?
She has not responded to my chats & messages recently...
Is she sending a message to me?
Like...
"Shut up...you are really annoying!!!"
"Don't u have better things to do?"
"What makes u think i should bother about u?"
"Just fxxk off"
"I don't want to see u again for the rest of my life..."
Is it over now?
I guess so......
I am sorry...
Really sorry
Maybe i shouldn't have expected too much...
Sorry for bothering u...
Sorry for letting u knowing me...
Sorry for entering ur life...
Sorry for...
everything...
Is she sending a message to me?
Like...
"Shut up...you are really annoying!!!"
"Don't u have better things to do?"
"What makes u think i should bother about u?"
"Just fxxk off"
"I don't want to see u again for the rest of my life..."
Is it over now?
I guess so......
I am sorry...
Really sorry
Maybe i shouldn't have expected too much...
Sorry for bothering u...
Sorry for letting u knowing me...
Sorry for entering ur life...
Sorry for...
everything...
Lately...
Time passes so quickly and i have been working on the new market for 2 months without me realising it...
I would say everything is quite well i guess...
Workload is fine...just that there are some tedious cases that i need to tackle everyday...
And as i am the so called "most senior" member among the 3 of us working in the new market, i am the de facto leader of the new market team...thought the official leader is still my team leader now...
The other 2 members always refer to me when they have doubts and even my team leader has to consult with me sometimes as i am doing the work on day to day basis and my team leader is not...
Recently,one of the team member has left the company and my team leader has given me full authority to choose a new member from the japan market which surprised me...
That practically makes me like a team leader...maybe i think too much...=.=
But, i don't think i am a good leader...
First, i am not patient...
Yes, i am more than willing to teach the new staff...BUT...i don't like repeating over and over again...
If any of my member asks me the same question over and over again,i got pissed off very easily...
Especially when i have a lot of work to do...
Only asks me when u have checked everything and you do not have a clue of what's going on...
I have to admit that sometimes i don't know what to do as well...the team is still new and there're some cases that is unheard of before...
But...for most of the times, i can always find the answer of their question when i "investigate" what's going on...
I have always tell them that always check for everything 1st and make sure you have an idea of what is happening before taking any actions as our jobs requires to dig deep down the line in order to get a better and bigger picture of the situation...
BUT...
THEY NEVER LISTEN!!!!!!
That's why i am not a good leader...
Secondly, i have anger management issues...
Yes...i got pissed off fairly easily...i dunno how to hide my feelings...especially when i am angry...
You can always tell that i am angry...
Sudden raise of the tone of my voice...indifferent expressions & gestures...hitting the keyboard very hard ( i always do that...) >.<
Thirdly, i am not a good communicator...
Yaya, i don't like to talk...but the fact is u have to talk...no matter what & where u work...
But sometimes...i just feel like shut up and do my work quietly...
Next, i am not friendly...
I am not too close with my team members, both the new market & japan market ones...
I do not keep in contact with them after work...
I have no idea of their latest happenings...
Also...
When they are laughing out loud to a joke or talking about something or gossipping, i would always keep quite and do my work as if nothing has happened...
I guess a good leader should be the one that knows the team member and close to them rite?
I am not...
Last but not least, i have a weird personality...
Sometimes i am friendly, sometimes i am very cool (cool as in "not talking")
I guess my colleague must be talking behind my back,saying how weird i am...
I am trying to change it...but...it's not easy...>.<
HMMM...
Maybe i think too much...
I would say everything is quite well i guess...
Workload is fine...just that there are some tedious cases that i need to tackle everyday...
And as i am the so called "most senior" member among the 3 of us working in the new market, i am the de facto leader of the new market team...thought the official leader is still my team leader now...
The other 2 members always refer to me when they have doubts and even my team leader has to consult with me sometimes as i am doing the work on day to day basis and my team leader is not...
Recently,one of the team member has left the company and my team leader has given me full authority to choose a new member from the japan market which surprised me...
That practically makes me like a team leader...maybe i think too much...=.=
But, i don't think i am a good leader...
First, i am not patient...
Yes, i am more than willing to teach the new staff...BUT...i don't like repeating over and over again...
If any of my member asks me the same question over and over again,i got pissed off very easily...
Especially when i have a lot of work to do...
Only asks me when u have checked everything and you do not have a clue of what's going on...
I have to admit that sometimes i don't know what to do as well...the team is still new and there're some cases that is unheard of before...
But...for most of the times, i can always find the answer of their question when i "investigate" what's going on...
I have always tell them that always check for everything 1st and make sure you have an idea of what is happening before taking any actions as our jobs requires to dig deep down the line in order to get a better and bigger picture of the situation...
BUT...
THEY NEVER LISTEN!!!!!!
That's why i am not a good leader...
Secondly, i have anger management issues...
Yes...i got pissed off fairly easily...i dunno how to hide my feelings...especially when i am angry...
You can always tell that i am angry...
Sudden raise of the tone of my voice...indifferent expressions & gestures...hitting the keyboard very hard ( i always do that...) >.<
Thirdly, i am not a good communicator...
Yaya, i don't like to talk...but the fact is u have to talk...no matter what & where u work...
But sometimes...i just feel like shut up and do my work quietly...
Next, i am not friendly...
I am not too close with my team members, both the new market & japan market ones...
I do not keep in contact with them after work...
I have no idea of their latest happenings...
Also...
When they are laughing out loud to a joke or talking about something or gossipping, i would always keep quite and do my work as if nothing has happened...
I guess a good leader should be the one that knows the team member and close to them rite?
I am not...
Last but not least, i have a weird personality...
Sometimes i am friendly, sometimes i am very cool (cool as in "not talking")
I guess my colleague must be talking behind my back,saying how weird i am...
I am trying to change it...but...it's not easy...>.<
HMMM...
Maybe i think too much...
Lost...
Lost...(not the drama...=.=)
Recently,one of my colleague couldn't get over the fact that no increment was given as the colleague told me that the company used to have incremental reviews every half a year instead of the current one year...
The colleague also kept whinning on how bad the company is compared to the other companies out there...
I was like...really?
I have always been careful on controlling my super limited budget but things are getting outta control recently...
Now i began to think...I've gotta have to make more money...
But how?
Take a part time job?
Find another job...?
And to be honest, i did have the thought of looking for another job...
Been searching on the job market recently for better paid jobs...
But...
i do not have the required experience needed in those ads...
As well as skills...
Or perhaps i should start a business?
Online business?
Franchise?
Or the worst case scenario....direct selling?
Really lost...
Recently,one of my colleague couldn't get over the fact that no increment was given as the colleague told me that the company used to have incremental reviews every half a year instead of the current one year...
The colleague also kept whinning on how bad the company is compared to the other companies out there...
I was like...really?
I have always been careful on controlling my super limited budget but things are getting outta control recently...
Now i began to think...I've gotta have to make more money...
But how?
Take a part time job?
Find another job...?
And to be honest, i did have the thought of looking for another job...
Been searching on the job market recently for better paid jobs...
But...
i do not have the required experience needed in those ads...
As well as skills...
Or perhaps i should start a business?
Online business?
Franchise?
Or the worst case scenario....direct selling?
Really lost...
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
明明就 周杰倫
This song reminds me of her...reminds me of the day she left...
"妳的某些快樂 在沒有我的時刻..."
"海鷗不再眷戀大海 可以飛更遠..."
" 遠方傳來風笛 我只在意有妳的消息..."
" 城堡為愛守著秘密 而我為妳守著回憶..."
"妳的心事太多 我不會戳破..."
":明明就他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多..."
" 不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友..."
明明就 周杰倫
糖果罐裡好多顏色 微笑卻不甜了妳的某些快樂 在沒有我的時刻
中古世紀的城市裡 我想就走到這
海鷗不再眷戀大海 可以飛更遠
遠方傳來風笛 我只在意有妳的消息
城堡為愛守著秘密 而我為妳守著回憶
明明就不習慣牽手 為何卻主動把手勾妳的心事太多 我不會戳破
明明就他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多
不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友
糖果罐裡好多顏色 微笑卻不甜了妳的某些快樂 在沒有我的時刻
中古世紀的城市裡 我想就走到這
海鷗不再眷戀大海 可以飛更遠
遠方傳來風笛 我只在意有妳的消息
城堡為愛守著秘密 而我為妳守著回憶
明明就不習慣牽手 為何卻主動把手勾妳的心事太多 我不會戳破
明明就他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多
不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友
明明就 明明就 明明就
他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多
不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友
"妳的某些快樂 在沒有我的時刻..."
"海鷗不再眷戀大海 可以飛更遠..."
" 遠方傳來風笛 我只在意有妳的消息..."
" 城堡為愛守著秘密 而我為妳守著回憶..."
"妳的心事太多 我不會戳破..."
":明明就他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多..."
" 不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友..."
明明就 周杰倫
糖果罐裡好多顏色 微笑卻不甜了妳的某些快樂 在沒有我的時刻
中古世紀的城市裡 我想就走到這
海鷗不再眷戀大海 可以飛更遠
遠方傳來風笛 我只在意有妳的消息
城堡為愛守著秘密 而我為妳守著回憶
明明就不習慣牽手 為何卻主動把手勾妳的心事太多 我不會戳破
明明就他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多
不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友
糖果罐裡好多顏色 微笑卻不甜了妳的某些快樂 在沒有我的時刻
中古世紀的城市裡 我想就走到這
海鷗不再眷戀大海 可以飛更遠
遠方傳來風笛 我只在意有妳的消息
城堡為愛守著秘密 而我為妳守著回憶
明明就不習慣牽手 為何卻主動把手勾妳的心事太多 我不會戳破
明明就他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多
不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友
明明就 明明就 明明就
他比較溫柔 也許他能給你更多
不用抉擇 我會自動變朋友
It's been a year...
Yes...time files & without me realising it...it's been a year...
18 June 2012...the day that i met her for the 1st time...
Though it was a pretty official & important ocassion - job interview...but i just couldn't help it...
I remember i was waiting anxiously in the meeting room...
Then she walked in to interview me...
I didn't realise that she was that pretty initially as i was probably too overwhelmed by the interview...
Then in the middle of the interview when i looked at her carefully...
Goodness Gracious...><
literally an angel was sitting in front of me...
literally...i swear...
Just couldn't take my eyes off her...
I couldn't remember what i answered & what i talked about during the interview...
God must be watching my back as i didn't screw up the interview...
After leaving the company when the interview ended,i remember i went:
"Jesus Christ, how could there be such a pretty girl exists in this world...==
And the rest is in history...
The beginning of the good memories...
The beginning of all the mistakes...
Perhaps it never should've happened...
Man! I can't imagine how i would react when i see this blog post a year later...
Will i be laughing & thinking how idiot i am right now?
Will i be nostalgic when i read this again a year later?
Or...
Will i still remember this date a year later?
18 June 2012...the day that i met her for the 1st time...
Though it was a pretty official & important ocassion - job interview...but i just couldn't help it...
I remember i was waiting anxiously in the meeting room...
Then she walked in to interview me...
I didn't realise that she was that pretty initially as i was probably too overwhelmed by the interview...
Then in the middle of the interview when i looked at her carefully...
Goodness Gracious...><
literally an angel was sitting in front of me...
literally...i swear...
Just couldn't take my eyes off her...
I couldn't remember what i answered & what i talked about during the interview...
God must be watching my back as i didn't screw up the interview...
After leaving the company when the interview ended,i remember i went:
"Jesus Christ, how could there be such a pretty girl exists in this world...==
And the rest is in history...
The beginning of the good memories...
The beginning of all the mistakes...
Perhaps it never should've happened...
Man! I can't imagine how i would react when i see this blog post a year later...
Will i be laughing & thinking how idiot i am right now?
Will i be nostalgic when i read this again a year later?
Or...
Will i still remember this date a year later?
Monday, May 20, 2013
on the verge of breaking down...
Yes...on the verge of breaking down...
Sorry for quoting from lyrics again...just can't help it but that describe my feeling perfectly...
Good news...she's single now...
but...
I'm...
not...
happy...
WHY?
I...
dunno...
A voice inside my head goes...
Go for it! It's ur chance now!
But soon another voice goes...
Forget about her!!! Do u really think she's single now...
Yes...she declares single now...
But does she wants that deep inside her heart...
Why she's single now?
WHY WHY WHY?
I'll gone mad soon...
But come to think of it...
What am i talking about?
Am i contradicting myself?
"Are u talking about her?"
"Excuse me...what?!"
"Sorry...i lost u...what do u mean by that?"
Sorry for quoting from lyrics again...just can't help it but that describe my feeling perfectly...
Good news...she's single now...
but...
I'm...
not...
happy...
WHY?
I...
dunno...
A voice inside my head goes...
Go for it! It's ur chance now!
But soon another voice goes...
Forget about her!!! Do u really think she's single now...
Yes...she declares single now...
But does she wants that deep inside her heart...
Why she's single now?
WHY WHY WHY?
I'll gone mad soon...
But come to think of it...
What am i talking about?
Am i contradicting myself?
"Are u talking about her?"
"Excuse me...what?!"
"Sorry...i lost u...what do u mean by that?"
whistle blower...
Last Friday, I volunteered to help the guys from other team as i had finished my daily work and wanted to help out with their heavy work load...
My team leader told me to help one of the new staff who he thought might not be able to finish all the work on time...as usual i said yes without thinking much...
When i was about to finish my part around 6pm,i saw the new staff that i was helping leaving the desk...
My 1st thought was,wow!that was fast...
But when i refreshed the inbox,i still saw some work pending which is not suppose to happen...
I was shocked...seriously...
I was like...WHAT THE FXXKING HELL ARE U DOING?
I was trained in this company & by my previous manager NOT to leave any work pending in the inbox before leaving the office...
As a result,i had to stay until 6:30pm or 7pm sometimes to finish up everything when the workload is too overwhelming sometimes...
I was really really frustrated at that moment...
But somehow i managed to finish up everything for him...
And i swear,i had no idea why he left the work in the inbox where any of the staff in the team could finish them in no time...
And the funny thing is...he sent an email to HQ telling the staff over there to follow up as that guy could only do that much and the guy had tried the best...
Now i began to understand why the staff in HQ wrote an email a few days back telling the same guy to "priotirize" the inbox...
OMG....
It's hard to believe that someone does not even have that little sense of responsibility...
Haven't anyone told u to finish what u've started?
Haven't anyone told u to think logically?
Haven't u been educated to be considerate towards others?
Haven't u been ashamed of not able to complete ur tasks?
Or...
Do u know that u have to clear ur inbox before leaving the office at the end of the day?
Should i blow the whistle?
Or shouldn't I?
Cuz i've seen what will eventually happen to whislte blowers...in the movie of course...==
Should i just mind my own business & stop intefering other's affairs?
Techinically,u & me are doing different things...
Yes...
Should i just keep quiet?
Or...?
My team leader told me to help one of the new staff who he thought might not be able to finish all the work on time...as usual i said yes without thinking much...
When i was about to finish my part around 6pm,i saw the new staff that i was helping leaving the desk...
My 1st thought was,wow!that was fast...
But when i refreshed the inbox,i still saw some work pending which is not suppose to happen...
I was shocked...seriously...
I was like...WHAT THE FXXKING HELL ARE U DOING?
I was trained in this company & by my previous manager NOT to leave any work pending in the inbox before leaving the office...
As a result,i had to stay until 6:30pm or 7pm sometimes to finish up everything when the workload is too overwhelming sometimes...
I was really really frustrated at that moment...
But somehow i managed to finish up everything for him...
And i swear,i had no idea why he left the work in the inbox where any of the staff in the team could finish them in no time...
And the funny thing is...he sent an email to HQ telling the staff over there to follow up as that guy could only do that much and the guy had tried the best...
Now i began to understand why the staff in HQ wrote an email a few days back telling the same guy to "priotirize" the inbox...
OMG....
It's hard to believe that someone does not even have that little sense of responsibility...
Haven't anyone told u to finish what u've started?
Haven't anyone told u to think logically?
Haven't u been educated to be considerate towards others?
Haven't u been ashamed of not able to complete ur tasks?
Or...
Do u know that u have to clear ur inbox before leaving the office at the end of the day?
Should i blow the whistle?
Or shouldn't I?
Cuz i've seen what will eventually happen to whislte blowers...in the movie of course...==
Should i just mind my own business & stop intefering other's affairs?
Techinically,u & me are doing different things...
Yes...
Should i just keep quiet?
Or...?
Sunday, April 21, 2013
New challenge ahead...
It's been finalised...
I'll be joining the new team starting tomorrow,along side 2 other staff...1 so called "senior" staff & 1 new staff...
I'll be starting the training tomorrow...
Though the trainer from London has emphasized that the work flow is pretty much the same as what i have been doing for the past few months & it's just that i'll be working on a different market...
Still... i can't help but feeling nervous about that...
Am i up for the challenge...?
And the trainer expects us to be able to handle our new jobs within 3 days...==
Also,he seems to have high expectations on me...
Why?
Cuz my lovely team leader has been "promoting" me as if he'd been paid a huge amount of money to do that...
Keeps saying that i'm a quick learner...
And i have the language advantage...
Keeps proving that he made a right choice by putting me in the new team...
><
Am i that good?
I beg to differ...==
On top of that, as i am the most experienced member in the new team,this sort of making me the so called "leader" in the team...
Really?
Why people always saying that i'm good while i seriously don't think so...
During the lunch with HR manager last time out,he told me this:
"You are a good worker...all other team leader keeps saying that they want to have staff like you...someone that can do their work quietly without much word...
But...
You are not a good leader...you have to talk more...show your leadership skills...
You have the potential...but still you've gotta find a way to unleash it..."
Hmmm...
Really?
I know i have to talk more...and in fact i think i've improved...just a bit...==
At least i do talk with colleagues around me which i seldom did previously...
But...
Can i be a leader...?
I can't see that inside me...
At least for now...
What am i supposed to do...?
I'll be joining the new team starting tomorrow,along side 2 other staff...1 so called "senior" staff & 1 new staff...
I'll be starting the training tomorrow...
Though the trainer from London has emphasized that the work flow is pretty much the same as what i have been doing for the past few months & it's just that i'll be working on a different market...
Still... i can't help but feeling nervous about that...
Am i up for the challenge...?
And the trainer expects us to be able to handle our new jobs within 3 days...==
Also,he seems to have high expectations on me...
Why?
Cuz my lovely team leader has been "promoting" me as if he'd been paid a huge amount of money to do that...
Keeps saying that i'm a quick learner...
And i have the language advantage...
Keeps proving that he made a right choice by putting me in the new team...
><
Am i that good?
I beg to differ...==
On top of that, as i am the most experienced member in the new team,this sort of making me the so called "leader" in the team...
Really?
Why people always saying that i'm good while i seriously don't think so...
During the lunch with HR manager last time out,he told me this:
"You are a good worker...all other team leader keeps saying that they want to have staff like you...someone that can do their work quietly without much word...
But...
You are not a good leader...you have to talk more...show your leadership skills...
You have the potential...but still you've gotta find a way to unleash it..."
Hmmm...
Really?
I know i have to talk more...and in fact i think i've improved...just a bit...==
At least i do talk with colleagues around me which i seldom did previously...
But...
Can i be a leader...?
I can't see that inside me...
At least for now...
What am i supposed to do...?
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Crazy...
I'm crazy...
Nuts...
Maniac...
Out of my mind...
What should i hang on to someone that doesn't give a damn shit about me...
What should i care for someone that just using me...
Using me when loneliness settles...
Using me during desperateness...
Why should i be happy when i was being noticed...
Feeling that i couldn't help it when i got the attention...
Even if i know a damn good thing about the story behind the scene...
Why does it have to hurt so bad...
But...
Yet...
it feels so good?
Why?
為什麼?
點解?
왜?
Pourquoi?
Mengapa?
Kenapa?
Where can i get an answer?
I can't take this anymore...
No...
I can't...
Nuts...
Maniac...
Out of my mind...
What should i hang on to someone that doesn't give a damn shit about me...
What should i care for someone that just using me...
Using me when loneliness settles...
Using me during desperateness...
Why should i be happy when i was being noticed...
Feeling that i couldn't help it when i got the attention...
Even if i know a damn good thing about the story behind the scene...
Why does it have to hurt so bad...
But...
Yet...
it feels so good?
Why?
為什麼?
點解?
왜?
Pourquoi?
Mengapa?
Kenapa?
Where can i get an answer?
I can't take this anymore...
No...
I can't...
Worse...
Yes...it's gotten worse...
It's deteriorating...
It's going down...
Finally...
I was forced to take the rap...
Though i've been expecting it to happen & i thought i was ready...
Though i could walk it off with ease...
But i was wrong...
It hurts so bad...
Make me feel like nothing is fair...
In fact...nothing is fair in this world...
And the funny things is...
I have to pretend that i was the one who were supposed to take the blame...
And i have to create excuses for you to step down...
I still remember i was asked this question during the interview...
" What would u do if u were accused of doing something u have never done?"
"I'll take the blame..."
That was my answer...
And...
I am a man of my word...
Can't believe i said that...
What was i thinking man...
And i'm pretty sure that this won't be the last...
For how long can i hold on to it?
I have no idea...
It's deteriorating...
It's going down...
Finally...
I was forced to take the rap...
Though i've been expecting it to happen & i thought i was ready...
Though i could walk it off with ease...
But i was wrong...
It hurts so bad...
Make me feel like nothing is fair...
In fact...nothing is fair in this world...
And the funny things is...
I have to pretend that i was the one who were supposed to take the blame...
And i have to create excuses for you to step down...
I still remember i was asked this question during the interview...
" What would u do if u were accused of doing something u have never done?"
"I'll take the blame..."
That was my answer...
And...
I am a man of my word...
Can't believe i said that...
What was i thinking man...
And i'm pretty sure that this won't be the last...
For how long can i hold on to it?
I have no idea...
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Have i done wrong...?
Feeling guilty today...
My company's lunch hour is between 12-2 & everyone is free to choose one hour in between to go for lunch...
But my team leader prefers some of the team members go for lunch at 12 & some go at 1 as he doesn't want our "island" to be really empty during lunch time...
So,i have always opted to go for lunch at 1 which is my preferred time though almost everyone in the company goes for lunch at 12...
So,as usual during lunch break at 12 today,almost everyone went for lunch while i continued to do my work until 1...
When i was cracking my break tryna figure out some complicated issues,some of the employees who just finished their lunch started to gather around a place near my seat & chit chat...
That was ok but next some of them actually watching some videos with the speaker on at a relatively high volume...
That has really annoyed me & i couldn't help myself but expressing my feelings at that moment by changing the status of my chat with the use of some really strong words...
I didn't think much as i assumed that they wouldn't be able to view it...
But i was surprised when my team leader asked me what had happened...as he might not have seen me doing that...
And next my team members started to ask if i was ok...& finally i told one of them what really happened...
As a result, the employees was told not to do the same again...
But for some reason...i feel really guilty because of that...
Yes...they were not supposed to do that but what would happen if they eventually found out that i was the whistle blower?
Yes...i have been trying my best not to offend anyone in the company but would it be the same after today?
Was i being too emotional & impulsive?
Should i have covered it down instead?
I dunno...
I really dunno...
Have i done the right thing?
My company's lunch hour is between 12-2 & everyone is free to choose one hour in between to go for lunch...
But my team leader prefers some of the team members go for lunch at 12 & some go at 1 as he doesn't want our "island" to be really empty during lunch time...
So,i have always opted to go for lunch at 1 which is my preferred time though almost everyone in the company goes for lunch at 12...
So,as usual during lunch break at 12 today,almost everyone went for lunch while i continued to do my work until 1...
When i was cracking my break tryna figure out some complicated issues,some of the employees who just finished their lunch started to gather around a place near my seat & chit chat...
That was ok but next some of them actually watching some videos with the speaker on at a relatively high volume...
That has really annoyed me & i couldn't help myself but expressing my feelings at that moment by changing the status of my chat with the use of some really strong words...
I didn't think much as i assumed that they wouldn't be able to view it...
But i was surprised when my team leader asked me what had happened...as he might not have seen me doing that...
And next my team members started to ask if i was ok...& finally i told one of them what really happened...
As a result, the employees was told not to do the same again...
But for some reason...i feel really guilty because of that...
Yes...they were not supposed to do that but what would happen if they eventually found out that i was the whistle blower?
Yes...i have been trying my best not to offend anyone in the company but would it be the same after today?
Was i being too emotional & impulsive?
Should i have covered it down instead?
I dunno...
I really dunno...
Have i done the right thing?
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Work work work...challenge challenge challenge...
Can't believe this is the 3rd post of the day...which is also the 1st time since i created this blog...
Have so many things to talk about in a sudden...
And no surprise...it's work again...
Besides the super heavy workload,new staff in the team,new team & some colleague issues which might not have even existed...there is something else...
Now i am undergoing a training in another team under the same department...the team members in that team wants me to help with their workload...thus, they want me to undergo a training so that i can help with their job in the future...
When they 1st offer that, i took it without hesitating as i thought it was an opportunity to learn new things & gain more knowledge...
But one of my colleagues told me that actually they are using me to relieve their workload and the colleague claimed that they weren't as busy as i thought & they could have handle their workload without any problem...
Also,the colleague warned me that if i did something wrong,they would in turn blaming me even if my initial intention was to help them...
The colleague also specifically mention a member in the team that i'm in training with now...saying that the member is really smart & the member is using my trust to the member to relieve the work stress...
Not only that,the colleague claimed that the member befriended me so that i could help with the job...
To add on,it would be really difficult to handle both my hectic daily work & supporting other team's work at the same time...
Thus,the colleague wants me to only focus on my daily job as my daily job is giving enough headache to me & wants me to stop backing up other team...
I did sleep on the "advice" the colleague gave me & in fact i do have problem handling both my daily work & the training right now...
But i have decided to look at it from a different way...
Instead of running away from the problems that i have right now,i choose to face it as i created all of this at the beginning...
That's why i force myself to enter the office half an hour to 40 minutes earlier now so that i can finish all my daily work...though it is tiring & it's hard to push myself out from my bed every morning...
Also,i think it's bad if i can't keep my promise by helping the other team and it might create a reputation of me having the tendency of breaking promises...
But on the other hand,i know really well that i might not have what it takes to handle all of the above at the same time...
Am i doing the right thing?or...?
I can still remember a line that i read from a book " Be careful of the "friendship" that turns warm in a sudden"...
The book is about how to handle relationships in a working environment...the author warns the reader to beware of friendships that turns warm in the working environment without any reason...as it might be an indication that the person carrying bad intention...
Then, i have always been careful when it comes to relationship between colleagues...that's why i don't talk much in the office or any hang out sessions organised by my colleagues...
Is that pathetic?or...?
Have so many things to talk about in a sudden...
And no surprise...it's work again...
Besides the super heavy workload,new staff in the team,new team & some colleague issues which might not have even existed...there is something else...
Now i am undergoing a training in another team under the same department...the team members in that team wants me to help with their workload...thus, they want me to undergo a training so that i can help with their job in the future...
When they 1st offer that, i took it without hesitating as i thought it was an opportunity to learn new things & gain more knowledge...
But one of my colleagues told me that actually they are using me to relieve their workload and the colleague claimed that they weren't as busy as i thought & they could have handle their workload without any problem...
Also,the colleague warned me that if i did something wrong,they would in turn blaming me even if my initial intention was to help them...
The colleague also specifically mention a member in the team that i'm in training with now...saying that the member is really smart & the member is using my trust to the member to relieve the work stress...
Not only that,the colleague claimed that the member befriended me so that i could help with the job...
To add on,it would be really difficult to handle both my hectic daily work & supporting other team's work at the same time...
Thus,the colleague wants me to only focus on my daily job as my daily job is giving enough headache to me & wants me to stop backing up other team...
I did sleep on the "advice" the colleague gave me & in fact i do have problem handling both my daily work & the training right now...
But i have decided to look at it from a different way...
Instead of running away from the problems that i have right now,i choose to face it as i created all of this at the beginning...
That's why i force myself to enter the office half an hour to 40 minutes earlier now so that i can finish all my daily work...though it is tiring & it's hard to push myself out from my bed every morning...
Also,i think it's bad if i can't keep my promise by helping the other team and it might create a reputation of me having the tendency of breaking promises...
But on the other hand,i know really well that i might not have what it takes to handle all of the above at the same time...
Am i doing the right thing?or...?
I can still remember a line that i read from a book " Be careful of the "friendship" that turns warm in a sudden"...
The book is about how to handle relationships in a working environment...the author warns the reader to beware of friendships that turns warm in the working environment without any reason...as it might be an indication that the person carrying bad intention...
Then, i have always been careful when it comes to relationship between colleagues...that's why i don't talk much in the office or any hang out sessions organised by my colleagues...
Is that pathetic?or...?
2nd date...lol...(dinner only leh...><)
Been a while (around 2 months) since the 1st "date"...
During these 2 months,i was only communicating with her through social media & chats...
Though i have always wanted to ask her out...but still i chickened down every time when the thought arose...
And still i was really surprised when she asked me out for lunch yesterday...lol...was jumping up & down like a kid when i saw the message...
But when i asked for the time & place...she didn't reply...so i waited anxiously for her reply...
Time passed without me realising that it was almost lunch time & still she hadn't replied on time & place...
As a pessimist myself,i have expected the worst...maybe she'd reply saying that she's busy or something else that she'd to cancel the lunch with me...T.T
Finally...after the long wait...she did reply...saying she just woke up & suggested to change our lunch to dinner...
pheew...well...not that bad actually...
So as usual...i departed early from my house to the restaurant...just in case...something unexpected happened...
Just when i was driving on the road...she messaged me saying she'd be late...
( the above "stunt" is performed by trained "professionals" in a "controlled" environment...please do not attempt this "trick" in real life...lol...XD)
Though i replied her,telling her to take her time...but again...the pessimistic thought arose...
What if her next msg is something like...sorry i have to cancel the dinner with u...T.T
So i waited for her in front of the restaurant...fearing that she might not be turning up...
I was so anxious that i went to the toliet twice in quick succession...
Just when i walked out from the toliet when i went for the 2nd time...i saw her walking down from her car...
And the next second i was totally stunned...
She was so freaking beautiful...
She apologized for being late & explained why she was late...
As usual during the dinner...i didn't talk much...==
I had so many things i wanted to say but i didn't say...
At last we finished our meal and she insisted to pay the bill & i was surprised that she remembered that she promised to treat me...(i treated her on the last "date")
Maybe she just wanted to get this over & done with?
So she does not owe me anything anymore?
I knew i should chersih cuz i might not know when's the next time i would be able to meet her in person...
or will there be next time?
During these 2 months,i was only communicating with her through social media & chats...
Though i have always wanted to ask her out...but still i chickened down every time when the thought arose...
And still i was really surprised when she asked me out for lunch yesterday...lol...was jumping up & down like a kid when i saw the message...
But when i asked for the time & place...she didn't reply...so i waited anxiously for her reply...
Time passed without me realising that it was almost lunch time & still she hadn't replied on time & place...
As a pessimist myself,i have expected the worst...maybe she'd reply saying that she's busy or something else that she'd to cancel the lunch with me...T.T
Finally...after the long wait...she did reply...saying she just woke up & suggested to change our lunch to dinner...
pheew...well...not that bad actually...
So as usual...i departed early from my house to the restaurant...just in case...something unexpected happened...
Just when i was driving on the road...she messaged me saying she'd be late...
( the above "stunt" is performed by trained "professionals" in a "controlled" environment...please do not attempt this "trick" in real life...lol...XD)
Though i replied her,telling her to take her time...but again...the pessimistic thought arose...
What if her next msg is something like...sorry i have to cancel the dinner with u...T.T
So i waited for her in front of the restaurant...fearing that she might not be turning up...
I was so anxious that i went to the toliet twice in quick succession...
Just when i walked out from the toliet when i went for the 2nd time...i saw her walking down from her car...
And the next second i was totally stunned...
She was so freaking beautiful...
She apologized for being late & explained why she was late...
As usual during the dinner...i didn't talk much...==
I had so many things i wanted to say but i didn't say...
At last we finished our meal and she insisted to pay the bill & i was surprised that she remembered that she promised to treat me...(i treated her on the last "date")
Maybe she just wanted to get this over & done with?
So she does not owe me anything anymore?
I knew i should chersih cuz i might not know when's the next time i would be able to meet her in person...
or will there be next time?
New month...new challenge...
Today it's the last day of March...which means 2moro is the lst day of April (of course it is...idiot...><)
1st of April...aka April Fool...a day where you can't be pissed no matter how everybody else tricks you or make you angry on purpose...
But i don't give a sxxt...i'll still get mad it anyone dares to trick me 2moro...cuz 2moro's gonna be a hell of a Monday...
As the HQ over in London closes for Easter holiday last Friday,i have to finish the pending work on Friday as well as the normal daily work 2moro...which means double workload...><
So i'm gonna be super duper busy 2moro...if anyone wants to fool me 2moro...they're doomed...==
Also,if anyone in my team dares to be on MC or EL 2moro, i swear i'll find you and shoot you myself...lol...
Not only that,there'll be 6 new staff joining my team 2moro,4 of them (maybe 3) will join the current team and the rest will join in a new team ( a new market)...
My team leader recommended me to join the new team & join the training by one of the trainer from London HQ...though the final decision on who among the current team member will join the new team is still on the hands of the trainer...
But the funny thing is,even my team leader does not have a clue on the job scope of the new team,work load,etc...==
So...am i up for the challenge?
My current workload is already suffocating...can i handle it if the new workload is even worse than now?
1st of April...aka April Fool...a day where you can't be pissed no matter how everybody else tricks you or make you angry on purpose...
But i don't give a sxxt...i'll still get mad it anyone dares to trick me 2moro...cuz 2moro's gonna be a hell of a Monday...
As the HQ over in London closes for Easter holiday last Friday,i have to finish the pending work on Friday as well as the normal daily work 2moro...which means double workload...><
So i'm gonna be super duper busy 2moro...if anyone wants to fool me 2moro...they're doomed...==
Also,if anyone in my team dares to be on MC or EL 2moro, i swear i'll find you and shoot you myself...lol...
Not only that,there'll be 6 new staff joining my team 2moro,4 of them (maybe 3) will join the current team and the rest will join in a new team ( a new market)...
My team leader recommended me to join the new team & join the training by one of the trainer from London HQ...though the final decision on who among the current team member will join the new team is still on the hands of the trainer...
But the funny thing is,even my team leader does not have a clue on the job scope of the new team,work load,etc...==
So...am i up for the challenge?
My current workload is already suffocating...can i handle it if the new workload is even worse than now?
Friday, March 15, 2013
New challenge...
I have been working in my current company for more or less 7 months right now...
For the 1st time ever in these 7 months, i feel like i am not able to handle my job...
The past 5 days has been really stressful for me...cuz right now I'm supporting another staff in HQ...
And the workload is like 2-3 times more than my previous workload...
And the work is fxxking complicated & tedious...
I could literally spending a good half an hour searching all over the database & still do not have a single clue of what's going on...
And when i am rushing to finish my super heavy workload,mistake happens as i tend to overlook some important info...
And the staff over in headquarter is really strict and criticise my mistakes hardly...
For the 1st time ever,my foot steps are really really heavy when i step in the office...
I always having headache sitting in front of my computer...
But...
My colleague & my team leader & even my former manager said that i do pretty well in my job...
But now i think...are they bluffing me?
Are they trying to convince me to stay in my job?
Once my former manager said to me: You are a quick learner & you do very well in your job even if you are relatively new,so well that i could sense that someone is jealous of you...
To be honest,i was really shock when i heard that...
I always think...are they just pretend that they are friendly to me but saying something bad behind my back?
They are really really helpful when i need one...
But now i think...are they actually laughing behind my back?
Are they looking for an opportunity to backstab me?
As a result, i tend to be protective towards them...
I tend to create my own stories when they ask something about myself,my family etc instead of me telling the truth...
As a result,everyone knows a different me as i always tell different stories...
Why am i doing that?
I have no idea...
Maybe i always think that when i show the weaker side of me,they'll use that against me sooner or later...
Or have i overthought it?
From the day i started supporting my current staff right now,i told myself...
"The work is tougher,the work is more tedious...but it's fine...take it as an opportunity to learn more!!!"
"Mistakes?It's fine!!!You will only learn from mistakes!!!"
"Super heavy workload?Challenge urself,see how much u can do in that short time frame!!!"
So,i always having high spirits when i start working for the day...
But these thoughts & high spirits fade away as time goes by...
At the end of the day,i always leave the office walking like a zombie...lol...
Really feel like i do not have any strength to withstand against stress...
And i can break down just like that...
As fragile as a piece of glass...
My dept is recruiting & there'll be new staff coming in soon...
I begin to think...will these new staff replace me one day when the company finds out that they are all better than me?
Maybe i should be prepared for that...
Should I?
For the 1st time ever in these 7 months, i feel like i am not able to handle my job...
The past 5 days has been really stressful for me...cuz right now I'm supporting another staff in HQ...
And the workload is like 2-3 times more than my previous workload...
And the work is fxxking complicated & tedious...
I could literally spending a good half an hour searching all over the database & still do not have a single clue of what's going on...
And when i am rushing to finish my super heavy workload,mistake happens as i tend to overlook some important info...
And the staff over in headquarter is really strict and criticise my mistakes hardly...
For the 1st time ever,my foot steps are really really heavy when i step in the office...
I always having headache sitting in front of my computer...
But...
My colleague & my team leader & even my former manager said that i do pretty well in my job...
But now i think...are they bluffing me?
Are they trying to convince me to stay in my job?
Once my former manager said to me: You are a quick learner & you do very well in your job even if you are relatively new,so well that i could sense that someone is jealous of you...
To be honest,i was really shock when i heard that...
I always think...are they just pretend that they are friendly to me but saying something bad behind my back?
They are really really helpful when i need one...
But now i think...are they actually laughing behind my back?
Are they looking for an opportunity to backstab me?
As a result, i tend to be protective towards them...
I tend to create my own stories when they ask something about myself,my family etc instead of me telling the truth...
As a result,everyone knows a different me as i always tell different stories...
Why am i doing that?
I have no idea...
Maybe i always think that when i show the weaker side of me,they'll use that against me sooner or later...
Or have i overthought it?
From the day i started supporting my current staff right now,i told myself...
"The work is tougher,the work is more tedious...but it's fine...take it as an opportunity to learn more!!!"
"Mistakes?It's fine!!!You will only learn from mistakes!!!"
"Super heavy workload?Challenge urself,see how much u can do in that short time frame!!!"
So,i always having high spirits when i start working for the day...
But these thoughts & high spirits fade away as time goes by...
At the end of the day,i always leave the office walking like a zombie...lol...
Really feel like i do not have any strength to withstand against stress...
And i can break down just like that...
As fragile as a piece of glass...
My dept is recruiting & there'll be new staff coming in soon...
I begin to think...will these new staff replace me one day when the company finds out that they are all better than me?
Maybe i should be prepared for that...
Should I?
Monday, March 11, 2013
Today...
Today...11th March...another date that i should never forget...
Today when i was driving to work...i was so moody & did not feel like working at all...maybe cuz today is monday? Monday blue perhaps...
So,i trudged in the office & as usual i signed in my email account and i spotted something...
HER status:IN XXXX(name of my office)...
I was like...huh? serious?!
I felt awake & energetic instantly...lol...
And moments later i did saw her in the office...
Curiously,i asked her the reason of that and she replied that she needed to deal with something urgent...
And she also said she might only be in office for a day (today)
We did get to chat too much as she was too busy...
But it don't matter...
It's been a while ( around a month) since i felt anything like this...
I felt more motivated when she's around...
Oh my god...how am i going to work 2moro...the day after 2moro...the next week...omg...
But thank God for this sweet suprise...i'll take it anyway...XD
Today when i was driving to work...i was so moody & did not feel like working at all...maybe cuz today is monday? Monday blue perhaps...
So,i trudged in the office & as usual i signed in my email account and i spotted something...
HER status:IN XXXX(name of my office)...
I was like...huh? serious?!
I felt awake & energetic instantly...lol...
And moments later i did saw her in the office...
Curiously,i asked her the reason of that and she replied that she needed to deal with something urgent...
And she also said she might only be in office for a day (today)
We did get to chat too much as she was too busy...
But it don't matter...
It's been a while ( around a month) since i felt anything like this...
I felt more motivated when she's around...
Oh my god...how am i going to work 2moro...the day after 2moro...the next week...omg...
But thank God for this sweet suprise...i'll take it anyway...XD
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
妳...最近還好嗎?
不知不覺...一個月過去了...
妳......最近還好嗎?
S.H.E - 你最近還好嗎
挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
地址寫的是心底 你能不能收到它
天有點冷 風有點大 城市寧靜而喧嘩
這一個冬天我得一個人走回家
問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法 讓寂寞變聽話
你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙扎
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發
有再多的牽掛都已沒有權利表達
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尴尬
昨天遠了 明天還長 回憶模糊但巨大
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下
問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法 讓寂寞更聽話
你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙扎
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發
你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙扎
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發
妳......最近還好嗎?
S.H.E - 你最近還好嗎
挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
地址寫的是心底 你能不能收到它
天有點冷 風有點大 城市寧靜而喧嘩
這一個冬天我得一個人走回家
問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法 讓寂寞變聽話
你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙扎
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發
有再多的牽掛都已沒有權利表達
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尴尬
昨天遠了 明天還長 回憶模糊但巨大
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下
問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
有沒有什麽好方法 讓寂寞更聽話
你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙扎
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發
你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙扎
你說會記得我 還記得嗎
你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發
1st "monthsary"...
Yea...it's been a month since she left...
Well,not exacly a month (cuz there was only 28 days in February & there were so many holidays in between...>.<)
Just got to know that she's still adapting to the new environment & it is hard for her travelling all the way from her house to the new office...><
Just a few days ago,i found out an extremely intriguing fact: today (so call 1st mnthsary >.<) ,her big day, the day she left & the day that i claimed to be the happiest,all fell on Wednesday!!!
Coincidence? hmm...
Also,both the day she left & today shares the same day, 6th Feb & 6th March, both on Wednesday...
Creepy huh?
Just a few days ago,my colleague told me that she was in the office...on the day i was on half day leave...>.<
Haizzz...no fate...T....miss that "golden opportunity"...
Anyway we still keep in contact (chat,FB, msg & Whatsapp...=.=) but i think that's all i can ask for right?
Hey...take good care of yourself ya...don't overstress yourself...take a break when needed...
I'll always be there for you when you need me...or do you ?
Nah... >.<
Well,not exacly a month (cuz there was only 28 days in February & there were so many holidays in between...>.<)
Just got to know that she's still adapting to the new environment & it is hard for her travelling all the way from her house to the new office...><
Just a few days ago,i found out an extremely intriguing fact: today (so call 1st mnthsary >.<) ,her big day, the day she left & the day that i claimed to be the happiest,all fell on Wednesday!!!
Coincidence? hmm...
Also,both the day she left & today shares the same day, 6th Feb & 6th March, both on Wednesday...
Creepy huh?
Just a few days ago,my colleague told me that she was in the office...on the day i was on half day leave...>.<
Haizzz...no fate...T....miss that "golden opportunity"...
Anyway we still keep in contact (chat,FB, msg & Whatsapp...=.=) but i think that's all i can ask for right?
Hey...take good care of yourself ya...don't overstress yourself...take a break when needed...
I'll always be there for you when you need me...or do you ?
Nah... >.<
Sunday, March 3, 2013
May I Love You...?
超愛這首歌...雖然是很久以前的歌...><
從朋友 晉陞情人角色 從苦澀 轉變成了快樂
把鑰匙交給了妳 妳卻轉身將我囚禁
在一扇叫做等待的門裡 妳試過 那麼多心的鎖
怎麼就不來開啟 我的愛情
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能讓你不孤單 我不孤獨 一起找幸福
當這個世界一步一步華麗到荒蕪
請放心 我還是妳的信徒
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以繼續付出 付出就夠我滿足
不相信愛情對我永遠(的)殘酷
我奢望 時間會為我祝福
看著我這樣投入 難道妳都沒有感觸
不接受至少給我些幫助 就說你感動到想要哭
多少能減輕一點我的痛苦
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能讓你不孤單 我不孤獨 一起找幸福
當這個世界一步一步華麗到荒蕪
請放心 我還是妳的信徒
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以繼續付出 付出就夠我滿足
不相信愛情對我永遠(的)殘酷
我奢望 時間會為我祝福...
我要如何 才能擁抱妳呢 緊緊抱著 我吻妳妳附和
從朋友 晉陞情人角色 從苦澀 轉變成了快樂
把鑰匙交給了妳 妳卻轉身將我囚禁
在一扇叫做等待的門裡 妳試過 那麼多心的鎖
怎麼就不來開啟 我的愛情
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能讓你不孤單 我不孤獨 一起找幸福
當這個世界一步一步華麗到荒蕪
請放心 我還是妳的信徒
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以繼續付出 付出就夠我滿足
不相信愛情對我永遠(的)殘酷
我奢望 時間會為我祝福
看著我這樣投入 難道妳都沒有感觸
不接受至少給我些幫助 就說你感動到想要哭
多少能減輕一點我的痛苦
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能讓你不孤單 我不孤獨 一起找幸福
當這個世界一步一步華麗到荒蕪
請放心 我還是妳的信徒
Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以繼續付出 付出就夠我滿足
不相信愛情對我永遠(的)殘酷
我奢望 時間會為我祝福...
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Lunch
Recently,i have bought a new gadget & i have been really busy on tryna figure out how to use it & it's giving me a serious headache...both literally & figuratively of course...
Just when i was cracking my brain & trying to know more about the new gadget...i received a SMS...
My 1st thought was...WOW!That was rare...>.<
2nd thought...stupid operator ads maybe...>.<
When i opened the SMS, i was completely stunned...
It was HER?!
WTF?! >.<
And that's not the point...
The point is...she asked me if i wanted to go yumcha...
I was like...are u serious?! >.<
My 1st reaction was...yumcha now? But i've just had my dinner...=.=
Luckily she said 2moro (which is today)...thank God...pheew...
She asked me to introduce some nice restaurants near my area...
I was like...huh?She's coming to my area?! But she's living so far away...and indeed she asked me the direction...
And i offered to pick her up at a place near her house to the restaurant & she agreed...
I was so nervous today as it was my 1st time meeting her up close & personal...
I was so worried about my outlook for the very 1st time in my life...yeah...u heard it right...1st time in my life...>.<
Yeah..pretty much treating it like the 1st date...lol...>.<
So once i made sure everything was good to go...i drove nervously to the meeting point...earlier than the meeting time of course...
And when i reached there...i found out that she was already there...>.<
Opps...>.<...luckily she said she just reached there...lol...it'd be so funny for a girl to wait for a guy...>.<
What happened next was even funnier...she asked me where to go for lunch...i asked her where she wanted to go for lunch...
she replied in shock: i thought u know where to go!!!
i said: yaya...i know i know...sorry...>.<
she said: haha...sorry for being so straightforward...==...wow...what a bad start it was...><
And she said she asked me for lunch because she couldn't find anyone else...>.<
It's ok...it's better than nothing rite...? =.=
But luckily everything was fine...she kept asking me questions as she doesn't know much about me & she also talked about her recent life en route to restaurant...
I was quite surprised that she's willing to tell so many things to someone she's not familiar with...lol
But in the end i think we had a good lunch & she said the food was ok...thank God...>.<
And i was so happy that i could actually talk to her up close & personal...
I definitely would not have imagined that happening before today...and i'd always thought that i'd not be able to see her again after that day...
I think everything went well today & she said she'll call me yumcha again next time...maybe...?
Thank you very much for everything today...^.^
Just when i was cracking my brain & trying to know more about the new gadget...i received a SMS...
My 1st thought was...WOW!That was rare...>.<
2nd thought...stupid operator ads maybe...>.<
When i opened the SMS, i was completely stunned...
It was HER?!
WTF?! >.<
And that's not the point...
The point is...she asked me if i wanted to go yumcha...
I was like...are u serious?! >.<
My 1st reaction was...yumcha now? But i've just had my dinner...=.=
Luckily she said 2moro (which is today)...thank God...pheew...
She asked me to introduce some nice restaurants near my area...
I was like...huh?She's coming to my area?! But she's living so far away...and indeed she asked me the direction...
And i offered to pick her up at a place near her house to the restaurant & she agreed...
I was so nervous today as it was my 1st time meeting her up close & personal...
I was so worried about my outlook for the very 1st time in my life...yeah...u heard it right...1st time in my life...>.<
Yeah..pretty much treating it like the 1st date...lol...>.<
So once i made sure everything was good to go...i drove nervously to the meeting point...earlier than the meeting time of course...
And when i reached there...i found out that she was already there...>.<
Opps...>.<...luckily she said she just reached there...lol...it'd be so funny for a girl to wait for a guy...>.<
What happened next was even funnier...she asked me where to go for lunch...i asked her where she wanted to go for lunch...
she replied in shock: i thought u know where to go!!!
i said: yaya...i know i know...sorry...>.<
she said: haha...sorry for being so straightforward...==...wow...what a bad start it was...><
And she said she asked me for lunch because she couldn't find anyone else...>.<
It's ok...it's better than nothing rite...? =.=
But luckily everything was fine...she kept asking me questions as she doesn't know much about me & she also talked about her recent life en route to restaurant...
I was quite surprised that she's willing to tell so many things to someone she's not familiar with...lol
But in the end i think we had a good lunch & she said the food was ok...thank God...>.<
And i was so happy that i could actually talk to her up close & personal...
I definitely would not have imagined that happening before today...and i'd always thought that i'd not be able to see her again after that day...
I think everything went well today & she said she'll call me yumcha again next time...maybe...?
Thank you very much for everything today...^.^
CNY...
It's already the 8th day of CNY today & i'm gonna talk about my CNY this year...
Due to internship last year in Genting, i didn't manage to celebrate CNY with my families last year...so i kinda looking forward to the CNY this year...
And my dad kept asking me if i wanted to go back to hometown this year as he thought i might not wanted to do so...
Don't be stupid would ya...seriously...u don't have to ask me so many times...i lost count on how many times u've asked me that question...like 20-30 times perhaps? >.<
I was nervous as i have not gone back for 2 yrs & it was my 1st time driving back to hometown as it has always been my dad who drove all these years...
But in the end, it's good to know that everyone is fine...managed to catch up with the latest happenings of my family members,my cousins,uncle,aunts,etc...
And the most important thing is, the conflict & tension that has been covering my family for years has finally come to an end after 10 long months & u can't imagine how happy i am...XD
I really hope that the worst has gone & everything can be smooth as silk from now on...
Though i know it's not possible...><
Due to internship last year in Genting, i didn't manage to celebrate CNY with my families last year...so i kinda looking forward to the CNY this year...
And my dad kept asking me if i wanted to go back to hometown this year as he thought i might not wanted to do so...
Don't be stupid would ya...seriously...u don't have to ask me so many times...i lost count on how many times u've asked me that question...like 20-30 times perhaps? >.<
I was nervous as i have not gone back for 2 yrs & it was my 1st time driving back to hometown as it has always been my dad who drove all these years...
But in the end, it's good to know that everyone is fine...managed to catch up with the latest happenings of my family members,my cousins,uncle,aunts,etc...
And the most important thing is, the conflict & tension that has been covering my family for years has finally come to an end after 10 long months & u can't imagine how happy i am...XD
I really hope that the worst has gone & everything can be smooth as silk from now on...
Though i know it's not possible...><
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
6th February...the day you went away...
M2M - The Day You Went Away
" Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away
Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away..."
" Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away
Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away..."
Snacks
One thing i always did in the office was to track the sound of her footstep (sound of her high heels
hitting the ground...)
I dunno why but maybe cuz there was some sort of special sound pattern that the sound could be recognised easily
So, i knew that she was moving around the office when i heard the sound...and no one else in the office has the same type of sound... and i dunno why...>.<
Yesterday,when i was doing my work...i was tracking the sound of her footstep as usual...
This time i noticed that the sound stopped somewhere near my desk & there was a shadow stopped near my desk...
My 1st reaction was to see who she was talking to...
By the moment i raise my head...i saw her staring at me...
I was like...WTF?! I was totally stunned... 'o'
And next,she put the snacks on my desk...and my reaction was saying thank you to her...
And she walked away smiling happily & contentedly...
And i swear to God...that was probably one of the most beautiful smiles i've ever seen...smile of an angel?
And all of the above happened in just 3-4 seconds...but it feels like forever to me...
As if everything around me was froze at that moment and i was still in the state of shock after that...>.<
Cause we never really had any interaction or eye contact or conversation besides during interview of course...
cuz i was too coward to talk to u...yeah...i'm not gonna deny that...
And i definitely appreciate that and i'll cherish that moment...
Thank you for giving me the snacks...maybe she just wanna share it with me...or maybe cuz she couldn't finish it...? >.<
I definitely didn't expect that & l was really shock when i saw her handed me the snacks...
She could never ever imagine how much that means to me...
It means so much to me that i still yet to eat that & i kept them in a "safe" place...>.<
And it might be the very last time that we had some sort of interactions...
Thanks for the little surprise yesterday...
Thank you very much...merci beaucoup...
I dunno why but maybe cuz there was some sort of special sound pattern that the sound could be recognised easily
So, i knew that she was moving around the office when i heard the sound...and no one else in the office has the same type of sound... and i dunno why...>.<
Yesterday,when i was doing my work...i was tracking the sound of her footstep as usual...
This time i noticed that the sound stopped somewhere near my desk & there was a shadow stopped near my desk...
My 1st reaction was to see who she was talking to...
By the moment i raise my head...i saw her staring at me...
I was like...WTF?! I was totally stunned... 'o'
And next,she put the snacks on my desk...and my reaction was saying thank you to her...
And she walked away smiling happily & contentedly...
And i swear to God...that was probably one of the most beautiful smiles i've ever seen...smile of an angel?
And all of the above happened in just 3-4 seconds...but it feels like forever to me...
As if everything around me was froze at that moment and i was still in the state of shock after that...>.<
Cause we never really had any interaction or eye contact or conversation besides during interview of course...
cuz i was too coward to talk to u...yeah...i'm not gonna deny that...
And i definitely appreciate that and i'll cherish that moment...
Thank you for giving me the snacks...maybe she just wanna share it with me...or maybe cuz she couldn't finish it...? >.<
I definitely didn't expect that & l was really shock when i saw her handed me the snacks...
She could never ever imagine how much that means to me...
It means so much to me that i still yet to eat that & i kept them in a "safe" place...>.<
And it might be the very last time that we had some sort of interactions...
Thanks for the little surprise yesterday...
Thank you very much...merci beaucoup...
244 days..
Finally...after 244 days...roughly 8 months...everything has finally ended...T.T
6th of February 2013...it's her last day in the office...she'll be having CNY holiday until 14th February and she'll start working in the new office...
Yesterday,when i was working as usual,i saw her status was "Last Day", my heart literally stopped beating...
Yea...i really didn't see that coming...i mean i do know that she's leaving...but didn't expect that to be so soon...
And more importantly,i prepared a gift for her...but...i left it home & i thought yesterday was her last day...
I was like: "oh u must be fxxking kidding me..."
And so i started to plan how i was going to go back and grab the gift after work & hand it to her before she left the office...
So,i started a chat asking if yesterday was her last day & she said her last day is today (6th February)...
I was stunned...and when i looked carefully at her status :Last day: 6th Feb...>.<
Haizzz....sorry...my bad...i didn't read it carefully...=.=
So, today i handed the gift to her...not handed to her in person of course...i entered the office earlier than usual and put the gift on her desk and hoping no one sees that...>.<
Haizzz...idiot...=.=
And when she was unwrapping the present...she found out that one piece was missing...
OMG...EPIC FAIL...>.<
I was so embarrassed that i kept saying sorry to her...and the funnier thing is...
she said that i'm cute because of that... ￣▽￣
Dunno i should cry or laugh...T.T
In the end, i was planning to say goodbye to her...but she was really busy & i didn't even notice that she left the office...T.T
And after 244 days, it ends tragically & I guess that's how a tragedy should end right?
p.s. hope you'll like that gift despite the epic fail...>.<
6th of February 2013...it's her last day in the office...she'll be having CNY holiday until 14th February and she'll start working in the new office...
Yesterday,when i was working as usual,i saw her status was "Last Day", my heart literally stopped beating...
Yea...i really didn't see that coming...i mean i do know that she's leaving...but didn't expect that to be so soon...
And more importantly,i prepared a gift for her...but...i left it home & i thought yesterday was her last day...
I was like: "oh u must be fxxking kidding me..."
And so i started to plan how i was going to go back and grab the gift after work & hand it to her before she left the office...
So,i started a chat asking if yesterday was her last day & she said her last day is today (6th February)...
I was stunned...and when i looked carefully at her status :Last day: 6th Feb...>.<
Haizzz....sorry...my bad...i didn't read it carefully...=.=
So, today i handed the gift to her...not handed to her in person of course...i entered the office earlier than usual and put the gift on her desk and hoping no one sees that...>.<
Haizzz...idiot...=.=
And when she was unwrapping the present...she found out that one piece was missing...
OMG...EPIC FAIL...>.<
I was so embarrassed that i kept saying sorry to her...and the funnier thing is...
she said that i'm cute because of that... ￣▽￣
Dunno i should cry or laugh...T.T
In the end, i was planning to say goodbye to her...but she was really busy & i didn't even notice that she left the office...T.T
And after 244 days, it ends tragically & I guess that's how a tragedy should end right?
p.s. hope you'll like that gift despite the epic fail...>.<
Saturday, January 26, 2013
直覺 by Issac 鄧冠聖
很喜歡這首歌...
每次聽這首歌, 總感覺好像在講著我一樣...>.<...尤其是副歌的部分...
是我想太多了嗎? =.='''
我不知道這樣守株待兔的等對不對, 明志不明智,值不值得...
但...
我相信我的直覺...
就算不會開花結果...
就算...奇蹟不會出現
就算...
有人曾勸我把妳忘了...
相信我...
我正在努力中...
但...
我真的能做到嗎?
<直覺> 歌詞
" 有一种人死心眼
有一种爱会蔓延
有一种快乐要绕一大圈
才回到身边
有些宽容需要学
有些人不会再见
当答案太难解
交给时间
走过漫长的街
在你身边还有什么人
像我这么忙着爱你呢
不怕路有多远
守株待兔的远
我相信我的直觉
在我身边只有一个人
像你这么值得我去等
就算再高风险
爱本来就有风险
不试怎么会了解
有一种话很光鲜
有一种梦太遥远
我们总在失去了爱之前
挥霍着一切
有些珍惜需要学
放弃要勇敢一些
离开他并不会
带走思念
只会带来感谢
就全凭感觉
就让心多狂野有多狂野
爱是种信念
一分一秒也是永远..."
每次聽這首歌, 總感覺好像在講著我一樣...>.<...尤其是副歌的部分...
是我想太多了嗎? =.='''
我不知道這樣守株待兔的等對不對, 明志不明智,值不值得...
但...
我相信我的直覺...
就算不會開花結果...
就算...奇蹟不會出現
就算...
有人曾勸我把妳忘了...
相信我...
我正在努力中...
但...
我真的能做到嗎?
<直覺> 歌詞
" 有一种人死心眼
有一种爱会蔓延
有一种快乐要绕一大圈
才回到身边
有些宽容需要学
有些人不会再见
当答案太难解
交给时间
走过漫长的街
在你身边还有什么人
像我这么忙着爱你呢
不怕路有多远
守株待兔的远
我相信我的直觉
在我身边只有一个人
像你这么值得我去等
就算再高风险
爱本来就有风险
不试怎么会了解
有一种话很光鲜
有一种梦太遥远
我们总在失去了爱之前
挥霍着一切
有些珍惜需要学
放弃要勇敢一些
离开他并不会
带走思念
只会带来感谢
就全凭感觉
就让心多狂野有多狂野
爱是种信念
一分一秒也是永远..."
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
23/1/13...
Yes...i will remember this date for quite some time...it's probably the happiest day that i had since i join my current company...
I knew that she'll be going back to her hometown tomorrow & will be on leave till next Tuesday or maybe Wednesday...
So, today could be the last day i'd ever see her in the office...
As a result, I'd made up my mind to start talking or at least chat with her today...
That was the 1st thing i told myself when i woke up this morning...
Nevertheless...i was too coward to do that...and i thought that was really it...
When i walked back to my desk after my lunch break, i noticed that my colleague in the same team as me was on MC for half a day...
Subsequently, my team leader wanted me to cover his job....the good thing is both his & my workload was not that much...if not, i think i'd would be cursing non stop...><
So, as usual, when i was doing my work, i saw a chat box popped out...
OH MY FXXKING JESUS?!
IT WAS HER!!!
I was like...wtf...are u fxxking kidding me...
I really wanted to slap & pinch myself really hard to make sure that i was not dreaming or having illusion...
Cuz i'd never thought that it'd happen in real life...not in a million years...><
SHE'S STARTING A CHAT?!
NO FXXKING WAY...
My heart beat was accelerating like a F1 car...
Then I started to cool down & started guessing what she might say...
Something relating to my department?very important annoucement?
Or...the worst case scenario...she used the wrong chat window...><
As expected, she started off by asking if i was busy cuz my colleague was on leave & if i was able to handle my workload...
I really thank my colleague for that...seriously....if it wasn't for him, none of the above & below would happen...XD
So, i started to chat with her, assuring that i was able to do my work propoerly...
I also tried to "show" my sense of humour & surprisingly she seemed to be ok with it...><
We also talked about future plans & exchanging some ideas, etc...
Talked about her future trips, plans...
The chat lasted for like 2-3 hours...not continuously of course...both of us still had to do our jobs...
At the end of the day,i left the office smiling happily...probably the 1st time ever...><
I guess that's really it...we could be chatting again in the future...maybe...but the feeling will never be the same...and it might not happen again...
I really appreciate that... i guess that's all i could ask for...that's probbably the last bit of your memory before leaving the company...
All the best to you in the future...do not overstress yourself ya...take it easy...take a well deserved rest before going on the journey again...
p.s. walau...this is really dumb...>.<
I knew that she'll be going back to her hometown tomorrow & will be on leave till next Tuesday or maybe Wednesday...
So, today could be the last day i'd ever see her in the office...
As a result, I'd made up my mind to start talking or at least chat with her today...
That was the 1st thing i told myself when i woke up this morning...
Nevertheless...i was too coward to do that...and i thought that was really it...
When i walked back to my desk after my lunch break, i noticed that my colleague in the same team as me was on MC for half a day...
Subsequently, my team leader wanted me to cover his job....the good thing is both his & my workload was not that much...if not, i think i'd would be cursing non stop...><
So, as usual, when i was doing my work, i saw a chat box popped out...
OH MY FXXKING JESUS?!
IT WAS HER!!!
I was like...wtf...are u fxxking kidding me...
I really wanted to slap & pinch myself really hard to make sure that i was not dreaming or having illusion...
Cuz i'd never thought that it'd happen in real life...not in a million years...><
SHE'S STARTING A CHAT?!
NO FXXKING WAY...
My heart beat was accelerating like a F1 car...
Then I started to cool down & started guessing what she might say...
Something relating to my department?very important annoucement?
Or...the worst case scenario...she used the wrong chat window...><
As expected, she started off by asking if i was busy cuz my colleague was on leave & if i was able to handle my workload...
I really thank my colleague for that...seriously....if it wasn't for him, none of the above & below would happen...XD
So, i started to chat with her, assuring that i was able to do my work propoerly...
I also tried to "show" my sense of humour & surprisingly she seemed to be ok with it...><
We also talked about future plans & exchanging some ideas, etc...
Talked about her future trips, plans...
The chat lasted for like 2-3 hours...not continuously of course...both of us still had to do our jobs...
At the end of the day,i left the office smiling happily...probably the 1st time ever...><
I guess that's really it...we could be chatting again in the future...maybe...but the feeling will never be the same...and it might not happen again...
I really appreciate that... i guess that's all i could ask for...that's probbably the last bit of your memory before leaving the company...
All the best to you in the future...do not overstress yourself ya...take it easy...take a well deserved rest before going on the journey again...
p.s. walau...this is really dumb...>.<
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