New challenge...

I have been working in my current company for more or less 7 months right now...

For the 1st time ever in these 7 months, i feel like i am not able to handle my job...

The past 5 days has been really stressful for me...cuz right now I'm supporting another staff in HQ...

And the workload is like 2-3 times more than my previous workload...

And the work is fxxking complicated & tedious...

I could literally spending a good half an hour searching all over the database & still do not have a single clue of what's going on...

And when i am rushing to finish my super heavy workload,mistake happens as i tend to overlook some important info...

And the staff over in headquarter is really strict and criticise my mistakes hardly...

For the 1st time ever,my foot steps are really really heavy when i step in the office... 

I always having headache sitting in front of my computer...

But...

My colleague & my team leader & even my former manager said that i do pretty well in my job...

But now i think...are they bluffing me? 

Are they trying to convince me to stay in my job?

Once my former manager said to me: You are a quick learner & you do very well in your job even if you are relatively new,so well that i could sense that someone is jealous of you...

To be honest,i was really shock when i heard that...

I always think...are they just pretend that they are friendly to me but saying something bad behind my back?

They are really really helpful when i need one...

But now i think...are they actually laughing behind my back?

Are they looking for an opportunity to backstab me?

As a result, i tend to be protective towards them...

I tend to create my own stories when they ask something about myself,my family etc instead of me telling the truth...

As a result,everyone knows a different me as i always tell different stories...

Why am i doing that?

I have no idea...

Maybe i always think that when i show the weaker side of me,they'll use that against me sooner or later...

Or have i overthought it?

From the day i started supporting my current staff right now,i told myself...

"The work is tougher,the work is more tedious...but it's fine...take it as an opportunity to learn more!!!"

"Mistakes?It's fine!!!You will only learn from mistakes!!!"

"Super heavy workload?Challenge urself,see how much u can do in that short time frame!!!"

So,i always having high spirits when i start working for the day...

But these thoughts & high spirits fade away as time goes by...

At the end of the day,i always leave the office walking like a zombie...lol...

Really feel like i do not have any strength to withstand against stress...

And i can break down just like that...

As fragile as a piece of glass...

My dept is recruiting & there'll be new staff coming in soon...

I begin to think...will these new staff replace me one day when the company finds out that they are all better than me?

Maybe i should be prepared for that...

Should I?