HER...她...

i admit that this is not my 1st time having a crush on someone...and i thought it would be just as same as all my previous crushes...

18/6/2012...the 1st time i saw her...seeing an angel walking to me & sat next to me...literally & figuravitely...the result? i almost screwed up my interview...==...lol...luckily i still got it...

she was the only thing (besides salary of course) that would motivate me to get up from my "super strong gravitational pull" bed & go to work every morning...

I'm gonna confess that that was the happiest period that i had in years,considering what happened or i should say what went wrong in my family...

I felt energetic (especially after lunch where i usually feel really sleepy) when she walked past me...my heart melted when she smiled or ran around like a little girl... my heart beat so much faster when she walked towards my direction...a little nod or smile from her has definitely made my day...

02/10/2012...the little "judgement" day for me...she wasn't there for a week or two...curiously & anxiously i checked what happened & the revealation was cruel...my heart dropped to the ground & shattered into thousand of pieces...

I should have thought of it...she's too attractive to be left alone...i was too naive & stupid...i guess...i am really sorry...

I never felt anything in the world like this before (not quoting from "Wait for You" by Elliot Yamin on purpose.That's exactly how i felt or i should say how i am feeling now)...i was so emotionally down...

The only way of expressing myself: listen to really sad songs,copy & paste the lyrics that best describe my feeling on social network site...(idiot eh? ==) & watch really funny clips & laugh out like a maniac which does not really reflect how i feel (moron ==)

Another confession,this is not the 1st time this happens but i could walk away and get over it at no time in all previous ones...but not this time though..what makes this time so different?i'm still figuring why...

but now i guess it's over (not quoting from "Fool Again" by Westlife)...she might be gone...forever...guess i can only blame myself...cause i never really spoken any word with her...except during interview of course...why didn't i tell her how i feel?it's not like i want her to be with me...just wanna let her know how i feel...that's all...i know i can't do something "illegal" in my sense...

why am i waiting for something that would never ever happened?why would i be waiting for someone that would never give a damn shit about me?

She's so special...she's gone though so many things...she deserves a much better one...he's the one for her...

AHH!!!feels so much better after expressing it out...guess i'll gone mad sooner or later if i just keep it within me...just like an active volcano waiting to erupt...