Frustrated...dissappointed...demotivated...

Initially i didn't want to mention it here but i thought i might gone crazy if i just keep it by myself...lol

As mentioned before i am now the unofficial team leader for Asia market but sometimes i will help Japan market if needed...

One day,as one of my colleague was on leave for a whole week,my manager decided to let me try his work as she said she couldn't find anyone else more reliable than me...

As she thought that i was really interested in doing it,she suggested to do it on a more regular basis where i will do the work in the morning while i continue my own work in the afternoon...

I thought it was a great idea as i am mostly free in the morning...

Everything went quite well until today...

Today in the morning,as usual i reconfirm with my manager on doing the new work she suddenly asked me if i wanted to focus only on Asia market or i can help her with her work...

My 1st instinct was to answer Asia market as i thought i am supposed to priotirize my own work 1st and i didn't know that i have created a wrong impression to her that i am NOT WILLING TO HELP HER...

I tried to explain to her that i am able to do her work in the morning as i am relatively free in the morning & i can learn something new as well...

But no matter how i explain it, she seems not convinced that i am willing to help her on my own will...

As if i am forced to do it...

Which i am certainly not...

And she is very dissappointed of me...

At the end she told me that she would have to rethink about that & she will come back to me on that in a few days time...

I was really frustrated at that moment...

1st because no matter how i try to convince her that i am able to handle her work & my own work at the same time she wouldn't believe it...

Maybe i'm not a good negotiator after all...

Then i was accused of something that i am not...

Accused of not helping her on my own will...

I was really demotivated for the day...

And i felt like crying at some point of the day...

I felt like all my work that i have done so far has gone begging...

I mean she has been watching & monitoring my work for couple of months now & now she doubted my sincerity because of some words that i have wrongly used?

Maybe that's the power of words...

I felt like i am no longer needed in this company...

And i do not have any motivation to work in this company anymore...

I recalled everything that she said about me in my appraisal & my 1st month performance review on my leader job...

"Oh...you are so good with your work..."

"Oh...you can be a good leader..."

Blah blah blah...

It all sounds particularly ironic, hypocritic & ear soring now...

I am not sure if i should stay in this company anymore...

Working with someone that does not trust me anymore...

Working with someone that does not need me anymore... 

Working with someone that does not acknowledge my work anymore...

Working with someone that does not understands me anymore...

I know i am very difficult to comprehend but still...

What should i do?

Looking for a new job?

Trying to wait it out?

...?