My destiny...?

This song is gaining popularity recently due to the drama...

No comment on the drama though as i haven't watched it but i definitely like this song...

Your are my destiny~~aren't you? Are you?

Bring it on!!!

Finally feeling better after a few days...

At least not that awkward anymore when i am working in the office...

Sometimes maybe i just have to go with the flow...

Do not try to fight it...

Which also means i have to try harder to pretend...

Try harder to put on more masks...

Try harder to hide my emotions better...

Try harder to be a better "actor"

ROFL

Bring it on!!!!!!!!

Haha...

I will absorb everything that you have...

And leave you without even looking back...

Bwahahahahaha...

I received an email today just before i left the office...

It was an email from her...

rfrf...

of course not love letter

ROFL XD

It's regarding a survey on the conference that i attended last month...

There is a question in the survey:

"What is your career plan in 1-5 years?"

I LOLed in front of my computer when i saw this...

Hmmm...

What should i write?

"Leave this company asap?"

"None of your business"

XD

:)

 Looking at her picture...

Looking at her smile...

Smile of an angel...

rfrf...

Looking at our previous chats...

Recalling her voice...

Recalling our memories "together"

Makes me feel better

:)

You are so beautiful...

Tired

Oh Lord...

I am so tired...

Physically & mentally exhausted...

Tired of everything...

Sick of everything...

Yes...

I am childish...

I whine too much..

I crack easily under pressure...

I am an idiot...

I am a jerk...

I am not going to deny that...

That's me...

Frustrated...dissappointed...demotivated...

Initially i didn't want to mention it here but i thought i might gone crazy if i just keep it by myself...lol

As mentioned before i am now the unofficial team leader for Asia market but sometimes i will help Japan market if needed...

One day,as one of my colleague was on leave for a whole week,my manager decided to let me try his work as she said she couldn't find anyone else more reliable than me...

As she thought that i was really interested in doing it,she suggested to do it on a more regular basis where i will do the work in the morning while i continue my own work in the afternoon...

I thought it was a great idea as i am mostly free in the morning...

Everything went quite well until today...

Today in the morning,as usual i reconfirm with my manager on doing the new work she suddenly asked me if i wanted to focus only on Asia market or i can help her with her work...

My 1st instinct was to answer Asia market as i thought i am supposed to priotirize my own work 1st and i didn't know that i have created a wrong impression to her that i am NOT WILLING TO HELP HER...

I tried to explain to her that i am able to do her work in the morning as i am relatively free in the morning & i can learn something new as well...

But no matter how i explain it, she seems not convinced that i am willing to help her on my own will...

As if i am forced to do it...

Which i am certainly not...

And she is very dissappointed of me...

At the end she told me that she would have to rethink about that & she will come back to me on that in a few days time...

I was really frustrated at that moment...

1st because no matter how i try to convince her that i am able to handle her work & my own work at the same time she wouldn't believe it...

Maybe i'm not a good negotiator after all...

Then i was accused of something that i am not...

Accused of not helping her on my own will...

I was really demotivated for the day...

And i felt like crying at some point of the day...

I felt like all my work that i have done so far has gone begging...

I mean she has been watching & monitoring my work for couple of months now & now she doubted my sincerity because of some words that i have wrongly used?

Maybe that's the power of words...

I felt like i am no longer needed in this company...

And i do not have any motivation to work in this company anymore...

I recalled everything that she said about me in my appraisal & my 1st month performance review on my leader job...

"Oh...you are so good with your work..."

"Oh...you can be a good leader..."

Blah blah blah...

It all sounds particularly ironic, hypocritic & ear soring now...

I am not sure if i should stay in this company anymore...

Working with someone that does not trust me anymore...

Working with someone that does not need me anymore... 

Working with someone that does not acknowledge my work anymore...

Working with someone that does not understands me anymore...

I know i am very difficult to comprehend but still...

What should i do?

Looking for a new job?

Trying to wait it out?

...?

3rd "date"

The 3rd "date" with her after almost a year...

Gosh...

Literally like a AGM O.O

Initially i wanted to ask her out on 14th Feb, which is Valentine day for both Westerners & Chinese & it only occurs once in 19 years...

But she said she wanted to stay away from the crazy crowd on that day & so i asked her if she was available on the next 2 days which was weekend...

The funny thing about that is i was too coward to ask her out that i went around the bush & bullshitting where i was actually wanted to ask her out...

Maybe she noticed that (and maybe got annoyed?! T.T) and she asked me "Do you have anything to tell me?" straight away T.T

By then i only asked if she was free on the weekend...

Idiot ><

But still she didn't reply straight away & surprisingly i did not feel as anxious or nervous as i thought i would be...

Cause i was seriously anxious last time when she asked me out but did not reply when & where which i thought she might not want to cancel it...

That was almost a year ago...

This time maybe i did not expect that much from her so i was not that nervous this time around...

But still i was jumping down like a crazy kid when she asked me where i wanted to meet her...

That was yesterday & initially she wanted to meet me on Sunday morning & so i went online to research on where we could go...

Then without any warning she asked me " Do u wanna meet me now" on yesterday afternoon,right after i finished my lunch...

I was like...WT?! I wasn't prepared...

I didn't see that coming...at all ><

And the meeting place was kindda far from my house...

But good thing she said she would wait for me...lol

So i quickly got changed & rushed to the meeting place...

So finally i met her...

She was without any make up...but still pretty...rfrf 

Still my dream girl...rfrf

Our "date" was pretty quick,maybe around 1 hour...T.T

We talked about what we have been up to recently & plans in the future...

And surprisingly i was able to talk without any sense of nervous...

Not like last the 2 times where i was too nervous to talk...=.=

hmmm...i wonder when will be the next time we meet up?

3 months? 6 months?1 year?

or maybe never...?