Lesson learnt...

Yes...

Learnt something today...

1) It hurts when u treated the person whole-heartedly but that person doesn't give a damn about it...

2)  No one will fall for me (the current me)

Solution?

1) I WILL NOT treat anyone wholeheartedly unless it's worth while for me to do it

2) I need to improve myself. Hmmm...where should i start? 

Ok...let me think about that 1st...(aka procrastinate)

><

Heartbroken...? Again...?

On 1st April, i saw her post : In a relationship, feeling loved. I thought she was just joking as it was April Fool anyway. But just now i found out that it is true...

My heart literally dropped to the ground and shattered into zillion of pieces, again T.T

All the while i thought that i was really over her, but now it apprears that i was lying to myself and running away from the problem itself...as usual...

But come to think of it, am i really thinking that i deserve to be with her?

Oh my God...

I could not imagine how it would be like when both of us are walking together...

Gross!!!

The weirdest combination the human history has ever witnessed...

Not her...ME!!!

She was literally everything to me & my life revolves around her and i kindda feel like the whole world crumbled when i knew the heartbreaking news...

But now when i was editing this blog post, i did not feel as bad as before...

Maybe it wasn't as bad i thought it would be?

Okay maybe she's not everything to me...

70-75%?

or less?

LOL

I'm not sure...

But at the end, thanks Lord for giving her someone to love her on behalf of me & wish them all the best...

Well...that's all i can do right?

There's no use of keeping something that doesn't belong to you or you do not have any right to own it

She is just one of the many people that i encountered in my life...

The wrong person that i encountered...

The right way is to discard her and getting rid of her from my life...

I might as well just move on & enjoy my life...

I mean the world will not stop for me because of that 

Yes...

I am feeling better...

Am i...?

I love this song...

It perfectly describes my feelings right now... 
 
" 下一刻　踩下油門我想該跨過了..."

" 會難過是肯定的　失去愛情的痛徹...我懂得　是因為認真才如此難割捨..."

" 你給過的好我會一直記得 笑過哭過我都曾經很快樂..."

"我不想再僵持着..."

"失去後比擁有踏實了...感覺自由了..."

" 該忘的　我忘了　回憶是好的 該記的　我記得　愛過就算值得 明天是自己的　我會更快樂 得到的　失去了　扯平了..."

My destiny...?

This song is gaining popularity recently due to the drama...

No comment on the drama though as i haven't watched it but i definitely like this song...

Your are my destiny~~aren't you? Are you?

Bring it on!!!

Finally feeling better after a few days...

At least not that awkward anymore when i am working in the office...

Sometimes maybe i just have to go with the flow...

Do not try to fight it...

Which also means i have to try harder to pretend...

Try harder to put on more masks...

Try harder to hide my emotions better...

Try harder to be a better "actor"

ROFL

Bring it on!!!!!!!!

Haha...

I will absorb everything that you have...

And leave you without even looking back...

Bwahahahahaha...

I received an email today just before i left the office...

It was an email from her...

rfrf...

of course not love letter

ROFL XD

It's regarding a survey on the conference that i attended last month...

There is a question in the survey:

"What is your career plan in 1-5 years?"

I LOLed in front of my computer when i saw this...

Hmmm...

What should i write?

"Leave this company asap?"

"None of your business"

XD

:)

 Looking at her picture...

Looking at her smile...

Smile of an angel...

rfrf...

Looking at our previous chats...

Recalling her voice...

Recalling our memories "together"

Makes me feel better

:)

You are so beautiful...

Tired

Oh Lord...

I am so tired...

Physically & mentally exhausted...

Tired of everything...

Sick of everything...

Yes...

I am childish...

I whine too much..

I crack easily under pressure...

I am an idiot...

I am a jerk...

I am not going to deny that...

That's me...

Frustrated...dissappointed...demotivated...

Initially i didn't want to mention it here but i thought i might gone crazy if i just keep it by myself...lol

As mentioned before i am now the unofficial team leader for Asia market but sometimes i will help Japan market if needed...

One day,as one of my colleague was on leave for a whole week,my manager decided to let me try his work as she said she couldn't find anyone else more reliable than me...

As she thought that i was really interested in doing it,she suggested to do it on a more regular basis where i will do the work in the morning while i continue my own work in the afternoon...

I thought it was a great idea as i am mostly free in the morning...

Everything went quite well until today...

Today in the morning,as usual i reconfirm with my manager on doing the new work she suddenly asked me if i wanted to focus only on Asia market or i can help her with her work...

My 1st instinct was to answer Asia market as i thought i am supposed to priotirize my own work 1st and i didn't know that i have created a wrong impression to her that i am NOT WILLING TO HELP HER...

I tried to explain to her that i am able to do her work in the morning as i am relatively free in the morning & i can learn something new as well...

But no matter how i explain it, she seems not convinced that i am willing to help her on my own will...

As if i am forced to do it...

Which i am certainly not...

And she is very dissappointed of me...

At the end she told me that she would have to rethink about that & she will come back to me on that in a few days time...

I was really frustrated at that moment...

1st because no matter how i try to convince her that i am able to handle her work & my own work at the same time she wouldn't believe it...

Maybe i'm not a good negotiator after all...

Then i was accused of something that i am not...

Accused of not helping her on my own will...

I was really demotivated for the day...

And i felt like crying at some point of the day...

I felt like all my work that i have done so far has gone begging...

I mean she has been watching & monitoring my work for couple of months now & now she doubted my sincerity because of some words that i have wrongly used?

Maybe that's the power of words...

I felt like i am no longer needed in this company...

And i do not have any motivation to work in this company anymore...

I recalled everything that she said about me in my appraisal & my 1st month performance review on my leader job...

"Oh...you are so good with your work..."

"Oh...you can be a good leader..."

Blah blah blah...

It all sounds particularly ironic, hypocritic & ear soring now...

I am not sure if i should stay in this company anymore...

Working with someone that does not trust me anymore...

Working with someone that does not need me anymore... 

Working with someone that does not acknowledge my work anymore...

Working with someone that does not understands me anymore...

I know i am very difficult to comprehend but still...

What should i do?

Looking for a new job?

Trying to wait it out?

...?

3rd "date"

The 3rd "date" with her after almost a year...

Gosh...

Literally like a AGM O.O

Initially i wanted to ask her out on 14th Feb, which is Valentine day for both Westerners & Chinese & it only occurs once in 19 years...

But she said she wanted to stay away from the crazy crowd on that day & so i asked her if she was available on the next 2 days which was weekend...

The funny thing about that is i was too coward to ask her out that i went around the bush & bullshitting where i was actually wanted to ask her out...

Maybe she noticed that (and maybe got annoyed?! T.T) and she asked me "Do you have anything to tell me?" straight away T.T

By then i only asked if she was free on the weekend...

Idiot ><

But still she didn't reply straight away & surprisingly i did not feel as anxious or nervous as i thought i would be...

Cause i was seriously anxious last time when she asked me out but did not reply when & where which i thought she might not want to cancel it...

That was almost a year ago...

This time maybe i did not expect that much from her so i was not that nervous this time around...

But still i was jumping down like a crazy kid when she asked me where i wanted to meet her...

That was yesterday & initially she wanted to meet me on Sunday morning & so i went online to research on where we could go...

Then without any warning she asked me " Do u wanna meet me now" on yesterday afternoon,right after i finished my lunch...

I was like...WT?! I wasn't prepared...

I didn't see that coming...at all ><

And the meeting place was kindda far from my house...

But good thing she said she would wait for me...lol

So i quickly got changed & rushed to the meeting place...

So finally i met her...

She was without any make up...but still pretty...rfrf 

Still my dream girl...rfrf

Our "date" was pretty quick,maybe around 1 hour...T.T

We talked about what we have been up to recently & plans in the future...

And surprisingly i was able to talk without any sense of nervous...

Not like last the 2 times where i was too nervous to talk...=.=

hmmm...i wonder when will be the next time we meet up?

3 months? 6 months?1 year?

or maybe never...?

How's it goin'?

1st post in 2014...well....actually i don't have many things to say...O.O

I just don't wanna abandon my blog...again...XD

Has just been promoted recently...well it's not official yet and i still yet to finish the probation...

Of coz the management has the right to withdraw my promotion if my performance is not up to their expectation...

But still i don't see any difference before & after promotion...apart from getting more emails & the figures that the company transfers to my account at the end of the month are slighly higher...

Does it mean that i am not doing my job well? 

There is another staff in my team who's also undergoing probation of becoming a team leader and i can see that he's doing very well...T.T

Maybe it's time to work harder...fix my communication skills...talk more...MORE...that's what my assistant manager told me when she informed me on the decision on promoting me...

She said i have all the right ingredient to be a team leader (as if...O_O)...except for one...

COMMUNICATION...

I've got to communicate more...with my team members, my boss & my colleagues...

Ok...i will talk more...let's show the world the my trash talking skills...ROFL

And both my assistant manager & supervisor said that i performed very very well last year during my appraisal interview...

The way that they talked was like i'm the smartest man on the planet... =.=

I seriously don't think so as i don't think i have done much in the company last year...LOL

Also, i taught that it was just to keep me in the company as there were quite a number of staff in my team left last year...LOL...

Maybe i think too much...O.O

My promotion also stopped my thoughts (or maybe just postponing?!) of changing another job as i was thinking of switching jobs cuz i was really tired of what i was doing in the company...I felt like i was wasting my time in the office doing very little thing...

But at least i have a new post, new challenges & more things to learn now in the company...

Who knows...maybe i will stay there for a good 2-3 years before leaving...LOL

Without me realising it, CNY is just around the corner and i have 3 days off for this year...which is very good considering i've been through the brutal days where i had to work on CNY just a few years ago...T.T

Also, I don't plan to take extra leave this year(almost all chinese staff in my company takes extra leave) cuz i am saving my leaves for my travel plans :P

I plan to go back the same place that i went alone last year as the trip last year was very short, very rushly planned and i noticed that i have missed so many things...so i plan to spend a week over there this year :P

But...seeing the news headlines recently kinda making reconsider my decision...should i or should i not?

Hmm...let's see how it goes...