Lesson learnt...

Yes...

Learnt something today...

1) It hurts when u treated the person whole-heartedly but that person doesn't give a damn about it...

2)  No one will fall for me (the current me)

Solution?

1) I WILL NOT treat anyone wholeheartedly unless it's worth while for me to do it

2) I need to improve myself. Hmmm...where should i start? 

Ok...let me think about that 1st...(aka procrastinate)

><

Heartbroken...? Again...?

On 1st April, i saw her post : In a relationship, feeling loved. I thought she was just joking as it was April Fool anyway. But just now i found out that it is true...

My heart literally dropped to the ground and shattered into zillion of pieces, again T.T

All the while i thought that i was really over her, but now it apprears that i was lying to myself and running away from the problem itself...as usual...

But come to think of it, am i really thinking that i deserve to be with her?

Oh my God...

I could not imagine how it would be like when both of us are walking together...

Gross!!!

The weirdest combination the human history has ever witnessed...

Not her...ME!!!

She was literally everything to me & my life revolves around her and i kindda feel like the whole world crumbled when i knew the heartbreaking news...

But now when i was editing this blog post, i did not feel as bad as before...

Maybe it wasn't as bad i thought it would be?

Okay maybe she's not everything to me...

70-75%?

or less?

LOL

I'm not sure...

But at the end, thanks Lord for giving her someone to love her on behalf of me & wish them all the best...

Well...that's all i can do right?

There's no use of keeping something that doesn't belong to you or you do not have any right to own it

She is just one of the many people that i encountered in my life...

The wrong person that i encountered...

The right way is to discard her and getting rid of her from my life...

I might as well just move on & enjoy my life...

I mean the world will not stop for me because of that 

Yes...

I am feeling better...

Am i...?

I love this song...

It perfectly describes my feelings right now... 
 
" 下一刻　踩下油門我想該跨過了..."

" 會難過是肯定的　失去愛情的痛徹...我懂得　是因為認真才如此難割捨..."

" 你給過的好我會一直記得 笑過哭過我都曾經很快樂..."

"我不想再僵持着..."

"失去後比擁有踏實了...感覺自由了..."

" 該忘的　我忘了　回憶是好的 該記的　我記得　愛過就算值得 明天是自己的　我會更快樂 得到的　失去了　扯平了..."

My destiny...?

This song is gaining popularity recently due to the drama...

No comment on the drama though as i haven't watched it but i definitely like this song...

Your are my destiny~~aren't you? Are you?

Bring it on!!!

Finally feeling better after a few days...

At least not that awkward anymore when i am working in the office...

Sometimes maybe i just have to go with the flow...

Do not try to fight it...

Which also means i have to try harder to pretend...

Try harder to put on more masks...

Try harder to hide my emotions better...

Try harder to be a better "actor"

ROFL

Bring it on!!!!!!!!

Haha...

I will absorb everything that you have...

And leave you without even looking back...

Bwahahahahaha...

I received an email today just before i left the office...

It was an email from her...

rfrf...

of course not love letter

ROFL XD

It's regarding a survey on the conference that i attended last month...

There is a question in the survey:

"What is your career plan in 1-5 years?"

I LOLed in front of my computer when i saw this...

Hmmm...

What should i write?

"Leave this company asap?"

"None of your business"

XD

:)

 Looking at her picture...

Looking at her smile...

Smile of an angel...

rfrf...

Looking at our previous chats...

Recalling her voice...

Recalling our memories "together"

Makes me feel better

:)

You are so beautiful...

Tired

Oh Lord...

I am so tired...

Physically & mentally exhausted...

Tired of everything...

Sick of everything...

Yes...

I am childish...

I whine too much..

I crack easily under pressure...

I am an idiot...

I am a jerk...

I am not going to deny that...

That's me...

Frustrated...dissappointed...demotivated...

Initially i didn't want to mention it here but i thought i might gone crazy if i just keep it by myself...lol

As mentioned before i am now the unofficial team leader for Asia market but sometimes i will help Japan market if needed...

One day,as one of my colleague was on leave for a whole week,my manager decided to let me try his work as she said she couldn't find anyone else more reliable than me...

As she thought that i was really interested in doing it,she suggested to do it on a more regular basis where i will do the work in the morning while i continue my own work in the afternoon...

I thought it was a great idea as i am mostly free in the morning...

Everything went quite well until today...

Today in the morning,as usual i reconfirm with my manager on doing the new work she suddenly asked me if i wanted to focus only on Asia market or i can help her with her work...

My 1st instinct was to answer Asia market as i thought i am supposed to priotirize my own work 1st and i didn't know that i have created a wrong impression to her that i am NOT WILLING TO HELP HER...

I tried to explain to her that i am able to do her work in the morning as i am relatively free in the morning & i can learn something new as well...

But no matter how i explain it, she seems not convinced that i am willing to help her on my own will...

As if i am forced to do it...

Which i am certainly not...

And she is very dissappointed of me...

At the end she told me that she would have to rethink about that & she will come back to me on that in a few days time...

I was really frustrated at that moment...

1st because no matter how i try to convince her that i am able to handle her work & my own work at the same time she wouldn't believe it...

Maybe i'm not a good negotiator after all...

Then i was accused of something that i am not...

Accused of not helping her on my own will...

I was really demotivated for the day...

And i felt like crying at some point of the day...

I felt like all my work that i have done so far has gone begging...

I mean she has been watching & monitoring my work for couple of months now & now she doubted my sincerity because of some words that i have wrongly used?

Maybe that's the power of words...

I felt like i am no longer needed in this company...

And i do not have any motivation to work in this company anymore...

I recalled everything that she said about me in my appraisal & my 1st month performance review on my leader job...

"Oh...you are so good with your work..."

"Oh...you can be a good leader..."

Blah blah blah...

It all sounds particularly ironic, hypocritic & ear soring now...

I am not sure if i should stay in this company anymore...

Working with someone that does not trust me anymore...

Working with someone that does not need me anymore... 

Working with someone that does not acknowledge my work anymore...

Working with someone that does not understands me anymore...

I know i am very difficult to comprehend but still...

What should i do?

Looking for a new job?

Trying to wait it out?

...?