Christmas?

Christmas? What's that?

How does it feels like celebrating Christmas with families & friends?Can anyone tell me?

"Lonely lonely Christmas...merry merry christmas..."

"Single bell single bell single all the way..."

Yea...lonely christmas again...not the 1st time & pretty sure that it's not the last time...

 Christmas...it's just another ordinary holiday for me...and it's always been like that...

Stays at home...no presents...no...whatsoever...

somehow i feel annoying when almost all the radio stations keeps playing christmas songs...lol...XD

Jeez!!!I should socialize more...==

C'est elle...

Oui...c'est elle...

Viewed her blog recently...there's only 1 word on my mind...SHOCKING...

Can't imagine the relentless pressure & tons of ordeals that she is facing or she has faced in such a short period of time...and yet she seems to handle 'em well...or she's able to hide it well from outsiders...

This is not commonly seen in normals girls on the street at or around her age...yeah...she's definitely one tough girl...

This plus her personality & looks = perfect...

Yeah...it wont't happen...never ever gonna happen...like ever...

Stop daydreaming & illusioning would ya...

Not being pessimistic...just that i'm just nobody to her...she's got so many better options for her...

Yeah...just let go...it's the easiest & the only way...

1st day...

Yeah...1st day...without her...

It's actually not really the 1st day...but this time...i might or would not be seeing her again anymore...i'm not quite sure...

Without me realizing, i have stepped into a bottomless hole...i've totally addicted to it...

Literally can't live without you...

Really hope that i could just erase her from my memory like erasing a mistake with an eraser...

Always looking forward to her new posts...new status updates...new photos...

It's become a everyday routine that i can't go to bed without doing...

Will i be able to adapt to that?

Will i be able to "survive" thought that?

We shall see...

HER...她...

i admit that this is not my 1st time having a crush on someone...and i thought it would be just as same as all my previous crushes...

18/6/2012...the 1st time i saw her...seeing an angel walking to me & sat next to me...literally & figuravitely...the result? i almost screwed up my interview...==...lol...luckily i still got it...

she was the only thing (besides salary of course) that would motivate me to get up from my "super strong gravitational pull" bed & go to work every morning...

I'm gonna confess that that was the happiest period that i had in years,considering what happened or i should say what went wrong in my family...

I felt energetic (especially after lunch where i usually feel really sleepy) when she walked past me...my heart melted when she smiled or ran around like a little girl... my heart beat so much faster when she walked towards my direction...a little nod or smile from her has definitely made my day...

02/10/2012...the little "judgement" day for me...she wasn't there for a week or two...curiously & anxiously i checked what happened & the revealation was cruel...my heart dropped to the ground & shattered into thousand of pieces...

I should have thought of it...she's too attractive to be left alone...i was too naive & stupid...i guess...i am really sorry...

I never felt anything in the world like this before (not quoting from "Wait for You" by Elliot Yamin on purpose.That's exactly how i felt or i should say how i am feeling now)...i was so emotionally down...

The only way of expressing myself: listen to really sad songs,copy & paste the lyrics that best describe my feeling on social network site...(idiot eh? ==) & watch really funny clips & laugh out like a maniac which does not really reflect how i feel (moron ==)

Another confession,this is not the 1st time this happens but i could walk away and get over it at no time in all previous ones...but not this time though..what makes this time so different?i'm still figuring why...

but now i guess it's over (not quoting from "Fool Again" by Westlife)...she might be gone...forever...guess i can only blame myself...cause i never really spoken any word with her...except during interview of course...why didn't i tell her how i feel?it's not like i want her to be with me...just wanna let her know how i feel...that's all...i know i can't do something "illegal" in my sense...

why am i waiting for something that would never ever happened?why would i be waiting for someone that would never give a damn shit about me?

She's so special...she's gone though so many things...she deserves a much better one...he's the one for her...

AHH!!!feels so much better after expressing it out...guess i'll gone mad sooner or later if i just keep it within me...just like an active volcano waiting to erupt...

These 6 months...

Decided to come here after seeing her blog...

So many things have happened these 6 months...

Having a so called steady job...family issues are getting worse...which i'm not surpised at all...

Struggling to get more income to raise & support the family...should i get a 2nd part time or weekend job?direct sales?selling insurance?am i convincing enough to persuade you to buy my products?

Starting a small business perhaps?just saw my former classmates open a burger restaurant...definitely paying them a visit sooner or later...

Did have some plans of that with a bunch of my friends but so far no action has been taken yet...==

I guess that's me...right?so many things going on in my mind but i put zero effort in materializing any of them...i mean any of them...==

On the other hand,should i upgrade myself?taking language classes?japanese class perhaps?

Also,should i get another car insurance.I've seen so many road incidents lately & i really think i should start protecting myself...but can i affrod it though the premium is not that high? (average around RM30 per month with reasonable coverage)

AHHH!!!goona crack my head soon to think of a good way of "clearing " all of the above...==

New Life

Finally...it's here...

I know there's been false alarms...but it's definitely here now...

After 6 months of searching,i got a job...

Starting 2moro,i'll become a salary man that u will see in the streets...

Fighting for life...fighting to survive...in this concrete jungle...

Fighting to stay on my tight budget...

Fighting to keep myself awake in a lazy afternoon...lol...

I've gone through the most relaxing life ever for the past 6 months...

No worries...free to do what i want...

It's also the most difficult period ever...

Decision making...study master degree?work?or...?

Also lots of family issues and problems...

My home now is just a place for me to sleep?

Maybe i should've never graduated...never grown up...

Anyway...it's a sign of growing up isn't it?

More worries and obstacles in life that i need to encounter...

More heart breaking moments and hard times that i need to endure...

More stress that i need to cope with...

More...?

it's here

it's here...finally...

2moro is the day where i'll be given a new identity...

trainee...and no longer students...

my 17 yrs of studying has officially come to an end...

starting 2moro...i will be facing the cruel and reality world...

lol...sounds serious?

haha...that's how i think...always overact...exaggerates...

but this is not my 1st time being a trainee...

i had that a year ago...but it didn't go well...i guess...

will this one be the same?

or...even worse?

i'll find out very soon...

also...

this will be my 1st time leaving my lovely and comfortable home for a long period of time...

actually...i know how it felt like during the french trip...

but it is totally different this time!!!

cause it will be a longer period away from home...

plus...

i'm extremely worried about the conditions of the hostel which i will encounter 2moro...

a friend of mine posted the picture a few weeks back...

omg...the "best", "5 star" hostel that i have ever seen in my life...

you know what i mean...

i hate when there's so many uncertainties around me...

but i guess those uncertainties make my life a less boring one...rite?

starting to miss the life as a student already...

sitting there and listen to the presentation (no matter how boring it is...), presentation & exams...

a much easier, relax, slow paced and ordered life...

3 days of holidays per week...sem breaks...

guess i won't be able to enjoy that starting 2moro...

but the sun will still rise in the morning and the earth still spins rite?

maybe it's time to move on...it's time to grow up...